Thinking Mode

Think, think and think. This is the only thing which I can do right now. Sometimes I get lost in down deep thinking that I forget what I was thinking? :/ damn me

Geo: The Breaking News!!

Since yesterday morning, one news that remained 'Breaking News' and then be highlighted the whole weekend was the wedding news of Yasin Malik. Renowned Kashmiri freedom fighter and Chairman of JKLF tied knot with Mishaal Malik, daughter of Rehana Hussain, chief of the Muslim League (women’s wing). In each bulletin, interviews of groom and bride were aired with their family backgrounds and with their future promises.


I tried hard but failed to remember any Event of Kashmiris' that had gotton such publicity by GEO. Their hunger strikes, their black days, their rallies, the increasing number of their martyrs, miseries of their widows and orphans could not make eough space in Geo news. I think, after Sana's wedding, it was the most publicized pakistani wedding by GEO.

I Will Survive

This is a famous song of 70’s (com ‘on I am not that old) won numerous awards. Its singer, Gloria Gaynor, is known for this all time favourite disco number. It has often been used as an anthem of female empowerment, a gay anthem (now they need an anthem, wow), and HIV/AIDS awareness. I like its lyrics:


First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive

It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me

I am in love with my country

I was thinking to start up a blog about the attractions in Pakistan, but could not do it yet. Some thing is pinching me, don’t know exactly what’s it but I am sure most of the Pakistanis are going through this phase.

There is no parameter to measure one’s love for their country. You might say it a mere show off but I do need it at the moment. I love my country. I love it more than any thing else in my life. It runs in my blood. It gives me more strengthen with each breath. My eyes get brightened when I see little development in my country. My hearts start beating joyously when I see people roaming around with lovely lighters and lively smiles. The song, which our kids learn to sing at first, is our national anthem. My eyes get teary when I hear it. The roads, bridges, parks, schools, universities, mountains, lakes, trees, flowers, birds……what to say and what not, my country is full of loveable things. I love every bit of it. I don’t want it to lose at any cost. I simply want peace and freedom for everyone here here.

Then I think that people of Kashmir, Afghanistan, Palestine and Iraq would have been loved their countries. They would have been wished for peace and stability. But what have happened to them?

My heart starts bleeding when I hear how people are fighting with each other. How could they find satisfaction in killing their own people? Are they humans? Would their rule last forever? What they are leaving for the generations to come? They are just leaving orphans, widows and enemies who would surely kill their love ones afterwards.

We did never think how much a strong economy is essential for our survival. They have nothing to do if, God forbids, this country becomes defaulter. They need power. They need rule. They need blood. When this lust would come to end? I pray it will soon.

Bachay humaray ehad kay....

Scene: M (my lil niece) and I were watching a drama of starplus. I am not keen of watching these stupid dramas but she insisted me to watch it with her. In that drama, there was a girl slipped from the stairs and was crying with the pain.

She: l know what will happen next.
Me: really? Is it a repeated telecast?
She: no it’s not but I can guess what will be the next scene.
Me: what?
She: They will take her to the hospital. Doctor will take her to the operation theatre. After some time, he will come and say ‘congratulation it’s a baby boy’.
I got speechless. She is not supposed to say such big things.
Me: hmm….no baby. I think she got a fracture in her feet.
She: array nai khala I know naa. She would have a kaka. You will see it yourself………
Me: Let’s see……….
Although, there were no signs of any expected baby but still I begged to God that kaka would born in the next episode.
Doc came out of the theatre and announced that the injured girl had compound fracture and she will be alright after few hours.
I threw a victorious look on M.
Me: see!
She: yeah whatever
She remained silent for few minutes.
She: khala how does a baby come in the world?
Me: Angels bring them in the world in a floral basket. (I pronounced my long time learnt lesson)
She: Why do angels throw them in the hospitals?
Me: hmm……so that doctors can check them as they come from far away naa.
She: How do parents come to know that their baby is coming?
Me: Doctors told them
She: Do doctors have direct contact with Allah?
Me: might be…..let’s see cartoon network. (I tried to divert her attention but she seemed to be in deep thinking).
She: (after few seconds) khala tell me one more thing (ya Ellahi) why do mamas get ill when their babies come through angels?
(My math’s paper wasn’t difficult then)
Me: beta hmmmm……actually…….(A thought came to my mind that it wouldn’t be bad if I tell her all but I was afraid of her mother. She would surely kill me).
Me: When baby comes, doctors give injections and medicines to mother also which are meant to increase her energy so that she can handle her baby well. (How bogus I was sounding). You know how it becomes difficult to take care of a lil baby. (I tried to defend my bogus point).
She: yea you are right. (Pause) kiya injections kafi baray hotay hein?
Me: (*relief* it means she believed me) yes they are. Their sizes are usually to this and this (I showed her different sizes through my hands and arms)
She: itnay khala itnay tu animals ko lagtay hein (kuch zaida hogaya shaid)
Me: o baby I don’t know exactly naa. I just heard that…….
She: of course how would you know you don’t have even a single baby…..see my mom has two…..why don’t you contact any angel or doctor?
Me: hmmm……I can but then my babies would take every thing that I would want to gift you and they might take your stuff too.
She: (She got upset) oh yes just like B and U (her cousins) no no khala you make me your baby and what you are going to gift me as a wish on my up coming exams? (wow)
Me: ye kaunsa event hota hai jis par gift diya jaye?
She: hota hai naa……We started watching Tom n Jerry. And I thought my exam is over but…)
She: Khala can I have a little sister?
Me: Why not? Just pray to Allah but she will take your all things….(I threatened her)
She: I would love to share but no brother this time. Why don’t you ask my mom about it?
Me: Me? Why don’t you ask? You need a sis not me.
She: I asked her many times but she says ‘just pray’. I gave her an ultimatum of two months (two months) but she did not take it seriously.
Me: Ok I ll talk to her. WOuld you like to go for Ice cream?
She: yeahhhhh (She stood up happily)
Me: Let’s go then

Oh God! Plz do not put me in this situation again.

When you have a bad day

Yesterday was my badest day. It started showing itself since morning.

I lost my attendance card. I remained searching it the whole day but couldn’t find it yet.

Then an issue was raised that I did not tell R about the latest internal office memo. She was on leave when I received it with my bloody signature. Sign karnay ki kasoorwar ho gay mai tu. I put the memo in front of her two days back, she was supposed to read it and act accordingly but she didn’t. That was absolutely not my fault. Anyhow I don’t know what explanation she had made for this specific issue as she had many serious issues in her plate except this one.

Yesterday was my turn for lunch and I forgot it at home. After severe curses, Muni and Ta decided to go to Pizz Hut. We took the rickshaw at 1:00 pm and started towards nearest Pizza Hut. We did not know who the hell had told the rickshaw wala that we were on looong leave. He drove very slowly and stopped for CNG fill in, damn it. I was about to advise him for rickshaw wash also. We reached there at 1:30 pm and the distance was just of 10 min. It took few time for giving and serving our order. Anyhow it was served after 20 min after my passionate requests as ‘waiter bhai la do plz ab’. Khair pizza was really yummy. We were supposed to return at 2:00 pm but it was already 2. Muni said that we should halal our expensive pizza and suggested to inform the office that we were stuck in traffic. Ta did it and I also informed my section also.

We returned at 2:30 pm singing beautiful songs. Bryan Hunt had the meeting with our President yesterday. His convoy was coming out of the office gate when we reached there. We walked slowly towards the building suddenly I saw some suspicious people standing in parking:
I: ye President president sa nai lagta?
Ta: :Lagta nai ye hai hi President (she announced and hid behind the plants).
Muni: haye haye isko kiya tatleef hai abhi tak bahir khara hai
I: mai tu bahir ja rahi hoon itna badtameez sa hai aiwein hi sab k samnay class ho jaye (I went out of the gate).
Muni: Lets go in from the back gate.
I: I beg you God back gate hula ho
We reached the back gate and guards told us with a big smile that the gate was locked long time ago. We checked the basement gate which was also locked.
Ta: manhoos yehi agar tu khana le ati
I: tu mat khati aaj khana mar tu na jati
Muni: oho larna band karo ab kiya karein ye socho sab log dekh rahay hein
I: manhoos ander kiyun nai jatay ye log auratein hoti hein na guests ko see off kar k darwazay par hi batein karti rehti hein wohi haak hai inka bhi
Ta: haye Allah mijhay tu itnay kaam hein aaj (We were trying to hide behind the billboard)
I: chalo main gate se hi chaltay hein dil kara kar lo aur dheet ho jao
Muni: koi hassay mat ab
Ta :ok
We reached near building. I saw the President without moving my neck. Muni was few steps ahead of us. Ta was trying to hide at my right side while President was at my left side. I walked in confidently. When we reached near President, he called loudly ‘Kashif’.
Ta: President nay awaz di hai (I did not stop)
I: tu kashif hai kiya
Ta: mijhay laga mijhay bulaya hai (She reduced her speed)
I: khabardar ju ruki

When we reached in the list I got consciousness:
I: haye Allah kashif sab bhi thay ab tu explanation orders pohanchay hi pohanchay

Ta: jab hum kabhi saal mai aik dafa late ho jaein tu ye humaray sath hi kiyun huta hai unko koi nai poochta ju roz late atay hein
I: aur jao gulcharray uranay
Muni: aur tu aur bhool kar aa khana ghar

We spent the remaining day in extreme tension. Dheet bhi nai hua jaa raha tha

Private and confidential self talk (Note: No one is allowed to read or comment here).

It was the hardest thing for me when I decided that I would not share it with any of my friends. I am a type of person who remains in her shell. I have set boundaries around me and no one even from my friends and family are allowed to cross them. But some times you find it difficult to protect your boundaries. Sometimes in your life, you meet few people who are more determined to break your shell against your all efforts of protecting it. Sometimes, these people get able to find out the gap in your life and they try their best to fill in it.

Be clear, this is your life. No one is allowed to interfere it. They are responsible for whatever they are doing, you are not. You have nothing to do with them. Just consider yourself naa teen mai teraan mai. And give them a damn if they try to drag you in any case. Just take it as another experience of your life and get some lesson from it. Don’t be so serious.

Listen! you had already faced worse situation than such kind of dilemmas and Allah knows how many dilemmas are still waiting for you. Everyone has to face his own fate. And you should ready to face whatever lies in your account, but with patience, courage and determination. My nani calls me ‘fighter’. Yes I am the fighter and I will prove that I am a real passionate fighter. I will not let myself down at any cost. This is an unconditional agreement for the survival of my ego and self-respect. Concentrate on your own life. You have many unaccomplished things to do. Let’s finish them.

This is unnatural for me to remain serious for such a long time. So no more sad post. I am going to start a new chapter of my life with all new spirit.

God! save this Blog

In these days, I am in such kind of axciety that I want to kill all stupid beings around, to break every thing (of others') and to delete this blog too. I want to scream out looouuuddd.....can I slap her at least?

Can anyone advise me how to get rid of this axciety?

Valentine Day Special

First of all, I would like to share my views regarding celebrating Valentine Day. I think that this is a useless practice to stupidly celebrate a specific day as a love day. People waste their precious money on buying chocolates, perfumes and flowers, which are purposely held more expensive on valentine day. Girls and boys look more stupid wearing red color. Public parks and other spots remain packed the whole day. Everyone is caught smiling and laughing without any reasons, damned. People do not celebrate any religious fiesta with this enthusiasm. Damn what the hell it is? All rubbish, all crap, and my views would remain same until and unless some one asks me for valentine. Hehehe…..how cheap I am :D

Today was same ordinary day at least for me. I heard some of my shokhay and ochhay colleagues wishing each other. Most of them were wearing red ties and one was even in red shirt. It was the height of stupidity.

My neighboring section has an intern these days. (Although B got furious when I wished her “Mubarik ho tumharay intern hua hai” hahahaha she was about to shoot me). Anyhow that intern (I don’t know his name) was asking B few days back:
Him: Madam from where we can get earrings.
B: what?
Him: I mean earrings……(he murmured some thing).
B: what are you saying? (Her loud voice left him more confused)
Him: Madam woh……I mean…….ye earrings kiya hutay hein?
(She threw such a glance like she was going to slap him on his meek knowledge).
B: ju ears mai pehantay hein unko earings kehtay hein (she chewed each word).

He looked B unbelievingly and then slapped himself on his head. He got so much embarrassed that he sat for more than an hour in bowing position.

B was on leave. And others of her section were in a meeting. My telephone set had some problem, not working properly. I went to B’s section for making two or three immediate calls. My eagled eyes saw a big bag which was put left side of the desk. It was not like of closed bag. I did not try to investigate. It was itself inviting me openly to search what’s in it. Ok that’s bad to see others’ personal stuff but it was all opened like khuli ketab. I just saw a little white teddy bear, a pack of chocolate, something in envelope and a red wrapping paper. I did not see any other thing except these few. The confused internee was going to celebrate his valentine day. Almost all staff members are married and they teased him a lot when he tried to slip quietly. So gee best of luck to him. I hope her valentine would have liked the earrings.

Of course this is for me:

Nose vs tears

Your nose starts running when you try to control your tears.

Can money compensate a human loss?

A question remains unanswered whenever I hear the amount of compensation money, which the Govt. announces as the after match of any bomb blast.

The Govt. announced that Rs. 5 lacs would be given to the people killed in the D.G. Khan Bomb Blast and Rs. 75,000/- for all injured. Can this money do any thing for the families of deceased people? Can this tiny amount cure the injured people?

The country which is heading a severe economic crisis, where value of money is at its lowest level and inflation at its highest level, what type of miracle would this compensation money bring in the lives of effectees? Can an economy that is already running on borrowed money afford such amounts?

I am not against the compensation money, the effected families surely need money to face this unexpected calamity at that moment. But giving compensation money and then forget them for the rest of their live are certainly heinous. Keep in mind; most of the injured people lost their limbs in such bomb blasts (due to the special ingredients of home made bombs). They have to die with every single day.

In a country where bomb blasts occur like earthquakes (like in Turkey), keeping in view the uncertainty and uncontrollability of both, there would have been established a Special Task Force to rehabilitate the effected people and their families. Govt should start establishing special centres where effected people should be treated helpfully.

Govt. should start Special Education and Employment Programs for bomb blast effectees. There should be Special Quotas in the schools/colleges and in jobs for their children. I heard that many govt. departments offer jobs to the kids of effected people. The practice should be further extended to the non-government employees also. Giving compensation money would not gonna work, Govt. should adopt constructive measures to combat this growing phenomenon. Most importantly, there should be a transparent system for the funds disbursement in this context.

Am I proposing another department for the Govt. where it can easily and directly suck more blood of public? Ahhh……..

I think I should stop day dreaming now.

Grabbed

After months' brain storming, I think I have finally reached to the right end. I pray to Allah, if I am on the wrong way, kindly show me the right one. Ameen.

The unsaid words

Don't know what to write and what not. There are so many things in my mind, so many ideas, so many unspoken words. But I could not understand how to give them life. Life? yes life, unsaid words are meaningless and lifeless. They get life and meaning when are spoken or heard. Sometimes unsaid words are kinda relief for you but they tear you apart when are spoken mercilessly.