In sympathy of those poor chaps whose lives have been ruined by my mom

10 yrs before....

Me: Mom! Is love marriage a bad thing?
Mom: Of course it is. Some times it becomes a stigma for a family.

The answer was not so clear. I thought mom might have taken it wrong, might be in eloping sense, so I asked it twistingly.

Me: For instance, sometime somewhere in my life, I ask for your permission to marry the XYZ guy, what would be your stance?
Mom: Shut up and never ever even think of it. We have given you liberty beyond our family traditions. Never do any thing that may damage your image and ours in the end. You will marry a guy which we will choose for you. Understand?
Me: yes (I murmured)

Mom’s commandment glued to me forever, whatever I did and wherever I went. It gives me immense satisfaction that my parents always feel proud of me and they would remain inshAllah.

10 yrs later....

We returned home after attending the reception of our family friend’s son. They were actually our neighbors but more than that. The reception was after a month of their wedding ceremony. The bride and groom met on internet, fell in love with each other and married. No zalim samaaj. We (he and his siblings, me and my siblings) spent our childhood together. He was two years younger than me. I remember him as a very shy boy who remained hesitant to talk to anyone. I was stunned on his love-marriage-endeavor.

Mom: They made a beautiful couple. She is such a cute girl of very nice nature. Her family was also very decent.
Me: yes she is. (I recalled how much she got excited to know that I was among his groom’s childhood friends. She asked so many questions about him, his nature, his mischieves etc but I couldn’t tell her much as there was nothing special to tell her about him).
Mom: M (groom’s mother) told me that both met on chatting. She told that girl lived in Karachi but distance didn’t matter. They went there for her. I think they are lucky to get such a nice and respecting daughterinlaw.
Me: yes they are lucky and she is also. (Mom seems over excited)
Mom: Your black dress was looking very nice today. Why didn’t you wear your new pendant?
Me: I wore it. (I showed it to her)
Mom: Oh yes. I didn’t see it there. BTW Why did you put dupata on your head all the time? There was no mix gathering.
Me: but waiters were males. Weren’t they?
Mom: hn

I grinned.

Mom: So you didn’t like anyone?
Me: Whom? Waiters?
Mom: shut up. I mean didn’t you meet anyone on net? Didn’t you like any of your internet friends?
Me: WHAT DO YOU MEAN MAMA?
Mom: I mean it’s not that bad. If you have understanding with any of your chat friends, you can tell us. We can meet his family. BTW I didn’t see you chatting? Do you do that?
Me: For heaven sake mom! stop this.
Mom: Don’t be so old-fashioned lady. It’s so common in these days.
Me: Mom! the net world is all façade.
Mom: but you have seen today that they are happily married and kind of made-for-each-other couple.
Me: It’s lucky of them that they have found the right ones but all are not that lucky. You don’t know how much people ditch each other on internet. And their case is rare.
Mom: but your father and me would see him through each aspect.
Me: My God! you are driving me to nuts. There is no one here in my life, no cyber friend at all. (I held my head in both hands)
Sis (elder sis): She is right mama. This chatting world is all bogus and façade. Leave it aside.

Sis: (to mom) Do you know my sister-in-law’s friend got married to her colleague. He is so nice and decent. She is very happy. I met him also. He belongs to a very nice family.
Mom: that’s good. (To me) see how people come across nice people. And you are one of your kind, allergic of meeting people. Stupid!!

Sis: Tell me! Is there anyone in your life?

With the fear of mosquitoes, I could not open my mouth for a longer time.

Me: Now you start on me. What have done to both of you today?
Sis: I mean you have studied in Co and now working in a male dominating office, there should be some one in your life.
Me: Is that a rule of thumb?
Sis: no but you would have met many people in your life. Is there some one special?
Me: Yes there should be some one in my life but it is painful to inform you that he is not there. I am feeling embarrassed for not having a boy friend. The situation is still vacant.
Sis: Listen! It’s not a sin to like someone or to love someone. There would not be any problem from us. We will be very happy to meet the person of your choice. Believe us!
Mom: She is right. Don’t hesitate to tell us beta

I preferred to keep quite.

Sis: So there is no one. (she gave me an x-ray look).
Me: YES THERE IS NO ONE. (I tried to look grieved. In fact I was grieved on all that).
Mom: that’s fine. Be easy.
Sis: Did anyone ever propose you?
Me: (I tried to remember some stupid folks) there were some.
Sis: then?
Me: what then? I refused.
Sis: why? You should have told us.
Me: Yes I am used to make blunders. (I got frustrated now).
Sis: No no I mean you should at least tell your sis. I am your friend naa. Now next time, if anyone proposes you, you would direct him to me. OK?
Me: But you are married? (I tried to ease myself)
Sis: shut up…..you understand?
Me: Yes

Now that is the whole story. Can you imagine what my state could be at that point?

It is same like you reach the finishing line in 400m relay race and forget the baton at starting point.

There are so many questions pinching me ‘Are we passing through a social change?’ ‘Have family traditions changed so quickly?’ ‘Have things changed what they were used to be in past ten years?’ ‘Why didn’t I feel this change before?’

I have spent my whole life very carefully. Never encouraged anyone. Thought many times before taking any minor step. Always glued to what my mother had advised me many years before. And now she is telling me the other story. What a life of Nun I have passed?

Mom might have advised, in fact frightened me to keep me on the right track. But now she is asking me about the thing I remained refrained from. She should have at least told me about this social change few years back. Damn it! some poor chaps have got the irreparable loss. I am sorry to all.

Jewellery Fever

I am not a jewellery-wearing-girl but I like to collect elegant stuff whether i put it on or not. I think jewellery should be simple, elegant and easy-to-carry, not that you give the impression of a showcase of jewellery shop after wearing it. While surfing something else, i came through some very simple and elegant stuff. Some of them are my fav. Let's see:

My all time fav
I do have this piece which i try to wear everywhere :)

Coral beads with silver chain

Simply elegant; mango shaped pearls with kunddan

Emerald carving Earring set with diamond with gold setting

Turquoise pan shape with diamond and Kundan work, Necklace gold ball and pearls beads

Diamond set. Blue topaz stone. with gold BT beads necklace
(Old fashioned but graceful)

Sapphire Badamcha Necklace with Diamond Polky and Gold Chain and pearls beads

Aqua beads, pearls beads with silver hook

Turquoise Necklace set with Diamond Polky and Pearl with Gold chain

Tourmaline Necklace set with Diamond Polky and Pearl with Gold Chain

Rubelite hearth shape, with kundan, emerald and diamond polky with gold chain
and emerald long beads

I love this antique piece
(of course the necklace ;p )

Tell me which one you like most? and share your fav jewellery with me :)

(This post is specified for girls only).

Aid for Trade

It has become a common philosophy that if you want to destroy a nation, put them on aid. War cannot completely destroy a country, but Aid helps to evaporate a country from the world map.

Trade is the key to success of any country. We have the shining examples of East Asian countries, especially China, where trade has helped to bring the Chinese industry at top and hence helped 400 million people escape poverty in the past 20 years.

Trade is the engine of growth. It is more than true as whole economic system of a country and of the world stand by trade. It is the international competitiveness that compels the microeconomic and macroeconomic stabilization. Only trade is the answer of global poverty.

But the philosophy proves fatal when it comes to Pakistan. The Pak government is pressing hard for acquiring aid in the name of war against terrorism. This is the only thing which they demand with passion rather condemning drones attacks. The external debt has reached almost US$ 43.23 billion this year. Instead of asking aid in monetary terms, Pakistani government should demand:

• access to all international markets especially markets of the Allies.
• special access to American markets
• withdraw of anti-dumping duty imposed by US government and Allies
• special incentives to Pakistan traders hitting US markets
• training and technical assistance for Pakistani export oriented industries
• etc.

I wonder why the educated officials of our government are sitting idle waiting for money to come rather than suggesting government what type aid we should demand for. The war against terrorism has been imposed on us. It has become our war now, then why shouldn’t we get some benefits out of it if they are available?

Hehehe

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

Chill Program

Today we went for a stroll in a nearby park. Although it was a bit hot outside but it is impossible for us to stay in office during lunch break. It is a lush green park with beautiful beds of flowers and sky high trees. A gardener was watering the fields. He was routing the water to some of the pathes. Water was flowing swiftly like a little canal. We waited for the gardener to leave and then put our feet in our so-called canal/stream. I tell you it was a real fun.

Ta. munni and Me :)

People were watching us. I am sure they took us as mentally retarded. But who cares what others do think. We stayed there for good 30 minutes. We gossiped alot, laughed alot at foolish and bogus jokes. I tell you happiness is around us. We would just have to find it out. It's not in big bang things, sometimes tiny things make you more relaxed and joyous. Try it!!

Believe me, it was a real tingling experience :)

Papa Weds Mama

Today is my parents’ 30^th wedding anniversary mashAllah. Mama told me shyly that they (mama and papa of course) had calculated the years and were amazed to know that it’s been 30 years now. It’s wonderful. It is more amazing to see that both of them are quite young as compare to these three decades mashAllah.

I wish them numerous such decades of love and happiness.

They were very happy to have gifts early morning. As usual mama didn’t like the gold chain I gave her (she’s too picky) but papa loved the body spray (fathers are made for daughters actually). The fragrance was refreshing (I forgot the name) and I am thinking of trying it sometime hehehehe. I remained asking mama about what she was doing 30 years back at the same moment. Came to know that their Barat ceremony was held in noon. I don’t like daytime functions. Thank God I was not there at that moment. I kept teasing papa and mama by calling them dulha dulhan. They enjoyed it a lot like a newly wed couple.

As far as relationship between mama and papa is concerned, it is same kabhi khushi kabhi gum. They love each other as severe as they fight with each other. I won’t lie you know I am truthful person. They are not tota mena kinda couple. Sometimes they fight like I fight with my brother ahahaha. I remember in my childhood, I was used to ask mother after each choti moti fight whether they were going to divorce each other. Then I used to think whether I should choose papa or mama (I was so stupid and still am). Thank God they did not and I know they cannot leave each other. The most inspiring thing in their relationship is the Respect. They respect each other a lot; especially papa is so kind towards mom (spoke like a true daughter hehehe yes we are used to biased).

Well I love my parents a lot. I am incomplete without them. May the umbrella of their love and blessings be on us forever and may we prove to be the noor of their eyes. Ameen.

For how many times I would have to tell you that it is only a business contact?

In Pakistan, the thinking of most of the educated and extremely professional people is that if a female gives her number or asks for their number, there might have a chance of friendship beyond professional relationship. I am not saying that all men think same but most of them do.

For example, you meet a resourceful person and ask his contact information thinking that he may help you someday. He would also be delighted to exchange contact numbers thinking in a same way. Both of you keep in contact and help each other when it is needed. Occasionally, you invite each other for lunch or dinner. How much it seems easy naa when both of you have same gender. But when there is a gender difference, the whole situation turns to be ‘some thing’ else. I am not saying that the situation is same in all gender-difference-professional-relationship.

Here, I am asking why men think that the women asking for their numbers or contacting them later for some help are interested in them ACTUALLY? WHY? Why dont people change their thinking? Why men are so much obsessed in building CLOSEST and PERSONAL relationship? Why it can’t be limited to their work only? Why do they want to extend it to their personal lives also? A Big WHY!

There is a malign margin between a personal contact and a business contact. And I can’t tell you how much it is difficult to keep this difference. The exchange of contact numbers is a very common thing. Not at all a problem if both of you belong to a same gender. But we working ladies have to remain very cautious in this exchange. You of course cannot judge anyone’s nature in first or second meeting. Hence it is your contact number in their cells that determine how long your professional cooperation would last.

Some people seem very decent while asking contact numbers but their decency goes off when your email address or number come into their cells. Some people prove to be so much chipko that they cling like lizard to wall.

Thanks to Call Barring Service. Life is nothing beyond its activation.