Thankless Creature

I am passing through a strange kind of condition and unable to name it. I am in anxiety, in deep anxiety. Am I doing right? would it be good for me and my family? How would I adjust there? The fear of unknown is taking me over and my pleasure for what I am going to get is fading away. I wanted that my parents and the whole family would let me go happily. They are happy. In fact, they are proud of me. Why I am unable to feel any thing? Dont understand why....

I am feeling guilty of my condition. Instead of thanking Allah SWT for granting me this Golden opportuniry, I keep waiting for anyone to stop me going abroad. See! how foolish I am. I longed for this moment and when it has come, i am trying to hide myself in my blanket. I am feeling like someone is grabbing me from my parents and throwing me far far away.

Everything is going fine. My father remains insisting me for ordering any dinner suit (hai koi baat). My brother keeps planning from where we would get the warmest cloths according to the weather there. Mom remains listing what utensils I would need there. My sister is stitching my shirts and other stuff. Brother in law keeps worrying whether I will get the off from his work till my flight. And kids they are reminding me time and again what I should bring for them. Their demand list is extending farther. And in all of them, I keep watching their faces, whether they are really happy or posing to be.

O God! forgive this thankless creature of Yours and help me in overcoming this condition. Ameen!