Rejections Overloaded

There was nothing to do and nothing to think upon, so I started counting on the rejections I have received so far. I left it when I reached to 27th, thinking who would give me a medal for the total number I have tried on. It might make me sad and tired to realize how many places I have applied at so far. It's been now more than a year I am unemployed with a foreign degree in my hand and a stamp of a scholar on my forehead. It doesn't mean I regret leaving my previous job and going to USA for studies. It was the best time of my life and I am truly thankful to Allah SWT for granting me the opportunity. Though I worked for few months but it was just a part time work and most of the requiters give a damn to part time work and shockingly many refused to include it in the work experience. But what I can do or say. Everyone has one's own perspectives which have been built over years. It is useless to convince anyone in meeting or two. If you try, it would be considered an argument which is not acceptable. So it is better to remain silent and leave quietly. 

I was teaching as a visiting lecturer at a 'renowned' university. As far as teaching is concerned, it was an overwhelming experience. But when you talk about the departmental politics and so-called professionalism (which I called dualism), I have never been a good player where ever I worked as I stayed miles away from the dirty professional politics. And if it is the penalty for not being a thespian, I accept it with an open heart and do not regret it over.

I was not a Ustani (teacher)-type person. I never thought I would join academia. Honestly, I didn't have the stamina to deal with grownup kids and secondly I always believe I do not have guts to convince people about any thing, be it a lesson or a matter of life. I was forced to join academia and when joined, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I tried to give it my best. Secretly in my heart, I always wanted to be a debater. But my shyness and laziness never allowed me to do so. Then I got a chance to speak up in front of a class of at least hundred students and it was awesomely amazing. I did not know my students literally understood my lecturers or not, but they told they did. Lolz. I have to believe them. But I realized later that I were sorta popular teacher at the department due to my interesting presentation of lecturers and liveliness in the class (according to my students, though I do not believe it wholeheartedly, it might be their attempt to score a good grade :) ). The saddest part is, this all has gone and only become a part of my memory stick. Reminds me of a song: 

All has gone 
Can't you see 
Lights slipped on 
Out of me 
Never could see the spring time 
Only believe in winter

But believe me or not, winters also rock. Though rejections make you sad, lonely and disappointed and at sometimes being cursed and abandoned  but you will pass it calmly if you strongly believe that nothing lasts forever, be it the good time or the bad one (though bad times seems longer). We have to face it whether we cry over it or keep quiet. So better be patient and believe that this too shall pass! 

Rejections are not only the ones that you apply for some vacancy and get rejected. Rejections also consist of the negative responses and denials of the people around you, who use to claim to be your best friends, understanding your unsaids but prove to be the firsts leaving you in the time of distress, thinking you would never be able to overcome your failures. These are the real rejections when people refuse to include you in your lives for whatever false presumptions they have in their heads for you. You do not really know what they think, but these rejections get overloaded and more painful when add up together and make you more depressed. 

The most crucial question is why do people leave you alone? There might be many reasons.  Firstly, they might think you would ask for some help from them. You would ask them to adjust you at the place where they work. Secondly, you might ask for financial help. Thirdly, they might want to save their perfectly running family and professional lives from your evil eye *evil wink*. And lastly, they are tired of listening your problems and your lifelessness. So they keep their shoulder safe from bending as you have cried over it alot and tell you it's the time to go find some other shoulder or use your knees to cry over. But these are the times when true friends are found for lifetime. And you learn to differentiate between donkeys and horses :) To say it is easy, but to experience it in your real life is goddamn difficult. That's why I disagree with 'sharing is caring'. Keep yourself with you. Everyone is busy in one's own life. You are the only one who has lifelong time for yourself. Accept your weaknesses and failures and make yourself your best friend so that you do not need to wait for someone to come and share your heart. But keep your doors open for sincere friends not for spectators!

My fav pic of the day! Remember you are a stomie, bas let these rejections pass once ;P!

To keep myself composed in depression, I try to do different things. More I get depressed, more I write and sleep. When I am not sleeping, I am writing. When I am sleeping, I am dreaming about writing something. So you will be seeing many posts in coming days and I ve postponed the idea of deleting my blog for the time being. What else am I doing these days? Hmmm yes stitching clothes. I love sewing. I am not expert in that but never mind I keep trying to become expert on day. I collected or abondoned clothes and stitched many cushion covers, dusters and table covers. I also tried few new dishes, would be writing on that too. That's all what I have to say for today. Bye till the next post :)