I am at war.

Now-a-days, I start my each day saying to myself;  "I will live and enjoy Today as the only day of my life. I will not be anxious about tomorrow. I will not even think of it Today. The woes and worries are expected to come tomorrow, so I will handle them when they really come. No worry for Today".

I make this promise to myself each morning. But when the day passes slowly and gradually, I start losing control on myself. I try hard, really hard not to think much. I lose my focus, I lose my attention, I lose my concentration, I lose every thing. And finally I accpet defeat in the hands of my wandering thoughts. Eah day, I go to the bed with bruised thoughts and emotions which result in nightmares.God! I have the dreadiest nightmares these days.

Hence, the most difficult war is the war which you fight with yourself. And this fight becomes more difficult when you know that you will be the loser whether you win or lose it. I am really tired of hiding my feelings and keeping the crappy smile on my face showing 'I am fine'.

P.S. I wasn't absent from my blog....errr....but yea I was absent mentally.

Damn!!

Sometimes in your life, you literally want scissors to cutt off every thing for finding an end!!

What to do after you break up with someone - A wise advice :P

She came to me and said with teary eyes:

She: You know I broke up with him.
I: What? really?
She: yes. it's true (she started crying)
I: tchtch... really sad...(I can very much imagine what could have happened, so didn't ask the boring detail)
She: He broke my heart. He didn't deserve my love (are you sure you were in love with him?)
I: yea....he didn't...(thinking...)
She: you were right. we should not trust any man. They all are same.
I: yea....(oh sometimes I say smart things :D)
She: I have lost every thing, every thing....(shedding tears)
I: hmmm.....(thinking some thing else)
She: tell me please what should I do now?
I: err...hmm.....actually.....you ll dislike what I want you to do...so leave it!
She: no no please tell me. I really dont know how to cater all this. please!
I: Ask him to return Burberry which you had presented him last time on his birthday.

hahaha........
I really enjoyed reading this and also check the Break up Tips  if you are hell with someone  :)

I am a bad sister :|

Yes I am. Curse me please. I deserve it. You should be grateful to Allah Ta'ala that I am not your sister. I am such bad, bad, a badest sister in fact. I did it again!

Yesterday was the birthday of my only brother and I forgot it. Can you believe I forgot to wish him? I didn't remember it the whole day. When I returned home in the evening, I heard mama asking him to give us a b'day treat. :O duh duh I wish I could slap myself at that time.

He always remembered my birthday, always. He is used to wish me at 12 at night and I....ahhhh...I am really a fitay munh sister.

When I wished him he just said 'ab yaad aiya hai' :( . bad sis

just two three days before, i was thinking to put a reminder on my cell phone regarding his birthday but I forgot it again.

I am sorry bro. You know your sis has a lousy memory. Forgive and Happy birthday :)

Visit to ISB

So yesterday I made a short visit to Islamabad. It was the first time that my father allowed me to go with one of my friends. It was really a fun. We talked so much during the journey that we got literally exhauted. LOL I think all passengers might have known every thing about both of us.

We reached ISB at 10 am. We had enough time as the meeting was at 12 pm.  We visited a book shop and a market. The stone jewelery was remarkable especially the one blue stone necklace. I loved it but had to leave it thinking that no one can see it under my head scarf :( but it was good. The shopkeeper told that some bracelets would be available in few days in the same stone. I would surely buy them next time :). damn what was the name of stone? forgot that.

And it remained in my mind whole day that Pinky lives here but had no contact of her and it was also not the pre-planned visit. But I wanted to meet her once because I would have to take the appointment to meet her after her CSS exams inshAllah !!

The meeting was good. The director who was supposed to meet us did not come but sent the promise that he would see us in the next meeting. Damn! I hate him. Two of the girls pointed out that I have put on weight. budtameezein!! dil toot gaya mera tu. I already knew that....why to point it out?

One of the girls was from Peshawar. It was the first time I met a Peshawari gal (although I dislike few of men from Peshawar :P ). She was excited to meet Lahori gal. We talked alot during and after the meeting. She was a really nice girl, I must say. And I think she has the same feelings about me as I have been received two calls from her since morning :) . People do get a good impression of me but some cannot realize what a great person I am :D

Another girl was looking stunning with her glowing and fair skin. She was completely changed what she was three months back. We insisted her alot to tell us what type of skin treatment she was getting but she didn't disclose. Meesni !! But she is not that bad as she told me that I look very innocent and that I am by nature very simple and innocent :) hehe shukriya

The meeting was over in just two hours and they had no plan to offer us lunch :( . Mice had a marathon in my tummy. So we decided to go to KFC, the only restuarant  i saw nearby. But one of the girls who lives in Pindi was kind enough that she offered us lunch.hehe But she hates the KFC calling their food unhygienic :O . She took us to the Super Market Sector F and forcefully ordered the paratha roll at Mr. Food. I was bit hesitant to take tha paratha but she convinced me as I convinced myself daily 'aik parathay sey kiya hoga' but they were quite yummy. I must say!!

Then she took us to her university, the International Islamic University where she is a lecturer. She told us the detail about the recent bomb blast there which TV cahnnels were not allowed to disclose. She was in the university at that time. I would post in detail about it. knowing the detail and the trauma students are going through made me very sad and depressed. The day which was started cheerfully made all sad.

We took the bus and returned Lahore. I slept most of the time, was so tired. Papa was there to receive me.

Yesterday I have realized how much I am used to miss my Lahore where ever I go. Apparently there is no comparison of Lahore and Islamabad. Isloo is planned city with wide and clean roads and greenery every where. With gandi mandi roads, traffic jams and pollution, I still love Lahore. Oh God I missed it alot in these few hours. Lahore! you rock :)

wow it's a suprise that Gori Wife has also posted about Lahore :)

God I added things in this post ten times...sorry

Kaun banay ga mera Pati ? :D

My rishta drama has been started again. Wesay I wonder it ever stopped. Yes it’s really a drama, at least it seems to me. See how this drama goes on:

My father and I were returning from the dentist and I was regretting on the news that my four teeth needed treatment.

Papa: So what you have decided?

Me: I would have to have treatment or I would lose them otherwise.

Papa: No actually…..hmm….I was asking about that guy.

Me: Ooo….em still thinking not decided yet.

Papa: yes yes beta take your time. Be sure that he is the best guy I have ever met. It doesn’t matter if he did only graduation. He is running his business successfully. You should see things in all aspects.

Damn I think the number of graduates has been increased due to recession. These economic crises would take my life away.Why dont they continue their studies if they dont get the jobs?

Me: yeah I am trying to see all the aspects.

Papa: beta your mother is an emotional woman. She thinks through her heart not through her brain. But you are sensible girl (Am I? But you always forget this in other matters). Try to understand what I want you to.

Me: gee gee

Papa: He has no objection on your job. You can continue it even after the marriage. In this way you would be saved from the household work. (hehe incentive) and they live just 5 minutes’ drive from us and he is such ………blah blah….(it’s always difficult to listen others’ praises)

Me: Just gimme some time. I’ll tell you soon.

Papa: sure but try to think without your mother’s influence………..(other lines were all about mom’s emotionality).

I didn’t know how mom came to know that father had discussed some thing with me. She remained around me and finally got the chance to talk:

Mama: My girl is the most well-mannered girl in the family and I know how you manage everything successfully. I always wanted to have a same boy for you (she knows I like appreciation but she does it rarely)

Me: haha acha

Mama: But I don’t know what’s in your father‘s mind. He wants you to be around. I always disagree with him in this. In these days, sons leave parents alone, betiyan to phir parai hoti hein qareeb hoon ya dur (and tip tip started, her tears are used to come out easily on this subject).

Me: oho don’t start crying plz. I can understand what’s your point of view.

Mama: beta if you have understood, then refuse your papa’s suggested guy. I don’t like him (the guy not papa). He’s such a dumb guy. And he is the eldest boy of the family, responsible of everything and you know the eldest bahu is expected to be same. Why putting your head in this khach khach?

Me: I will think about it.

Mama: Don’t think about him. I think B is suitable for you. Start thinking about him. He likes you. He is the only son of his family. Parents are quite old. What more do you need?

Me: haw haiye mama don’t say like this. His parents are really sweet.

Mama: that’s it. I was telling your father that you like them most.

Me: ohoo I didn’t say like this.

Mama: OK don’t like them but you would have to say ‘No’ to your father’s suggested guy. Understand?

Me: mai? lekin…..wo tu……aisay kesay….papa would be annoyed.

Mama: He will as usual but he’ll be fine after some time. And you know your sister and brother did not like that guy too and they liked the boy which I have suggested.

Me: I am not saying anything to anyone. You both decide one and inform me.

I am just sick of all this. My mother and father never agreed on one guy. Both have different preferences and both force me to choose their suggested guy. And each time this result in a severe fight with the allegation that their children do not listen them. Each time my shoulder is used for shooting (ye shooting firing wala hai film wala nai).

But this time, I want it to end in the way I want to be. yes. I have planned a little conspiracy haha *evil laugh*. Would disclose it soon….

Grieved

106....isn't a big number? IT'S INDEED. I am deeply deeply grived by yesterday's suicide attack. My God!! we have lost so many precious lives of our kids, men and women. Regrets, sorrows, mourns, what have I been left with?

Today morning when i was coming towards office, a traffic warden blocked the road suddenly with a barrier and forced everyone to go through other ways. I told him that my office was just at 5 minute's drive but he rudely responded "go on your foot". I had to march towards my office. I felt like some thing was going to happen. Roads were completely deserted. I cried the whole way. How much my country would have to face now? My country is bleeding. Is there any limit to all this?

I am used to console my by these lines:

Zulm phir zulm hai, badhta hai to mit jaata hai
Khoon phir khoon hai, tapkega to jam jaayega

Tyranny is but tyranny; when it grows, it is vanquished
Blood however is blood; if it spills, it will congeal

Tag: 25 Random Things

I always manage to skip tags but I am going to do this time just because of you PD !! :)

Rules:
Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. If I tagged you, its because I want to know more about you.

• -Sleeping is my favourite sport. It keeps me fresh and active like any other sport :D . I have a remarkable record of sleeping for 15 hrs consecutively.
• -I hate those who smile without any reason. hn khush mizaaj
• -I love to ring doorbells of others whenever i get any chance. Once I pushed the fire Alarm in my offiice :D . sshhh no one knows about it :P
• -On last weekend, I visited my beautician after one and a half year.
• -I disappointedly realized that I am also an idealistic when an ajeeb o ghareeb person proposed me.
• -I take sometime in saying 'thanks' and 'sorry' (yea em a bad girl)
• -I wonder listening some people saying that they do not like ice cream and mangoes :0 haw haiyeee!!
• -There was a time when I was famous in my family and friends because of my blushing cheeks and long-healthy hair. All have gone. The cheeks turned yellowish and hair are getting thin. But Alhamdulillah I had enjoyed them once and they still are more than fine :P
• -I want to try living alone once in my life. I have just realized that I enjoy more with myself than with anyone else
• -My handwriting and drawing are very poor. That is the reason I do terrible make-up.
• -I am impatiently waiting for my 30s.
• -I hardly remember the names of movies, celebrities and books and even the lyrics of songs.
• -Some people think that I am a present minded person due to my spotaneous talk. But in reality I sit at one place and my mind wonders somewhere else.
• -I am expert in making roti and all type of parathas.
• -Once I went for registration in a horse riding club. I ceased the idea after meeting the couch. B@#$&. I have to burry my wish of skydiving.
• -According to mom, I am a restless soul. I remain busy in doing some thing. And I find it impossible to sit in one place for three hours for watching a mere film. There might be two or three films which I have watched from the start to the end.
• -It's easy for me to cling to one thing and then leave it forever due to any  insipinsi reason. Same rule applies for the persons also :P .
• -Kids are the only charm in marriage for me.
• -There are few dresses which I designed by myself  but they are still lying untouched. yea they turned out to be very bad. By the way when is your b'day? :D
• -For the long long time, I had been the neglected child at home. The problems in my life started when I was dragged to limelight.
• -Since the disastrous Earthquake, I feel all time like every thing around me is going to be jolted to death.
• -I think ten times before spending money. I am not crazy for more and more cloths, jewellery, shoes, bags, blah blah.
• -For many years of my life, i waited for people to wish on my b'day but it caused 'invited pain'. Now I call people and tell them 'hey it's my birthday'. It literally feels good :)
• -Once I had a great love for tennis and basketball. I used to dream of becoming great player. I left tennis when my wrist cricked and basketball when I fainted in the court due to the hit of ball on my head. All dreams chikna choor....
• -I feel butterflies when I see Patrick Dempsey as Dr. McDreamy :P hehe

I tag Postman, a fan and  Leena. (so what if Leena has already done it :| )

Show me your tests first!!

So in all this wilderness, we still have some signs of life.

"The Sindh Assembly Wednesday unanimously adopted a bill whereby the government of Sindh was recommended to make AIDS and hepatitis tests mandatory for every one before marriage".

Dr. Yasmeen Rashid and all those who have struggled for it and are still striving hard to create awareness in masses, deserve appreciation. I know no one would first bother to have tests before marriage but still it's a first drop. At least people would start thinking about it and then hesitate to get married without tests.

We dont have facilities of these tests even in general hospitals. But i remember we did not have labs for hapatitis tests when it first started spreading widely. Now almost all labs offer hap test facility. A comprehensive national plan is needed further to overcome this problem too.

I hope National Assembly would also approved it and make it a legislation. Not only terrorism, we need to fight against all odds which bring life at stake.

And sometimes there's no solid reason...

:D :D