Act Dumb!

Part 1: 

On another day, we girls were discussing on a Blog that 'Acting Dumb' saves you from many hassles. Being a working lady, you have to live and survive in a male dominated work environment where males are joking and kidding around and they may roll you in it. If you respond their kidding positively, you are trapped. Then each time, they would try to crack jokes around you and expect appreciation from you in form of smile or laugh even on their dumb and ‘basement’ (means literally lower) type jokes. The spontaneous and seldom smiling is some thing natural. It does not create any problem.


So the technique “Act dumb” is a very safe way of getting rid of these kinds of kidding. If you like the joke, enjoy it inside but act dumb through your facial expressions. Men would think of you Jenny (hehe) and would avoid cracking jokes in front of you. It may hurt your image of intelligent lady but believe you me it may save you from many problems, especially the meaningful talk which your colleagues actually intend to make YOU listen.

Beside all these tactics, sometimes you have to listen and respond to others. In my private life, I speak spontaneously without giving any second thought (actually first thought) to what I am saying. But in my professional life, I have to think before speaking. And whenever I try to think first (most difficult task), I lose the chance of responding appropriately and timely and when the moment is passed, many possible answers come in my mind. It always happens to me. Hence, it’s useless to think whether it’s before and after saying anything.

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Everyone likes to be appreciated. I don’t deny the human nature. But I don’t know why I feel so awkward when someone praises me. I feel more happy when people appreciate my work and nature but it turns out embarrassing when it comes to my appearance or all. I mean I like to dress decently but when someone praises my dressing, I get annoyed and it becomes clearly visible from my facial expressions. I mean if I don’t want to be appreciated, then why the hell I dress and present myself so well. I think I also have a dual personality. Since I have started working, I could not make myself used to such appreciation and I admit my inability I to hide my expressions as well. My fierce expressions stop people from complimenting in future. But still it’s a problem for me. I don’t digest blunt and direct, even indirect compliments on ME. And when I don’t like compliments so I cannot say thanks in response, bad etiquette. In fact, I am learning what to say at such moments keeping the distance and the reserveness of my behavior.

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The speechless moments are numerous and I think they are on rise. Does it mean I have started thinking? Don’t know but I think I am getting quiet by the passing time. was it a dumb joke? Khair I don’t have any thing worthy to write upon so I decided to recall some of my Speechless Moments. Oh “Speechless Moments” can be a good title of this post. Errrr…..I thought again after writing/saying something.

So here they are:

My Boss always needs briefing before any meeting regarding the previous meeting. Hai koi baat...Don’t know why he always forgets what was discussed in the last meeting even attending the meeting in full consciousness. There was a meeting regarding one of my projects, so I was called in his office. Another brother colleague was also sitting there silently. I started my briefing and Boss started refreshing his memory by saying “haan yaad aiya”. I paused for picking some other points, while boss pointed out towards the brother colleague:

Boss: What’s wrong with you? You look so tired today.
B. C: Do I? (he looked at me and sought my approval and I ‘Acted Dumb’)
Boss: Yes it’s evident from your eyes, same as her eyes show that she is a quite naughty girl but she tries to hide it a lot (he directly pointed out towards me).
B. C: You are right my daughter was ill and I had to stay awake all night. And you are also right on the second point.

Now both started looking at me and got speechless.

Boss: Am I right?
I: No, I am not naughty. (I said with an expressionless face).
Boss: No I cannot be wrong (I know you are a Boss). I judge people rightly. You know I taught for 10 years. I can read faces and eyes of kids. And your eyes are opposite to your composed nature.
I: No ….(pause)….actually…..hmmm……(thinking what to say) ….So I was telling you that no major decision was made in the last meeting (I handed over a paper to him).

Boss stared at me for few seconds, and then at bro colleague, both smiled and he took the paper from my hand.

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One of the sis colleagues called me in her cabin when she was sitting with a bro colleague:

She: Hey! give us a second please!
I: What's the matter? (I stopped there)

She: Check his eyes (she pointed towards him)
I: What?
She: Did you notice some wrinkles around his eyes?

Now he started looking at me with the desire to listen some comments from me.

I: hmmm….(pause)…err….(I looked at the paper in my hand)....actually....I don’t understand what do you want to listen?
She: Oho I was actually advising him to get married now (she’s is married and she cannot see singles roaming around). Isn’t he getting old?

I saw him, then the paper, then her, paper, him, tube light, her, peon, paper, her, table, paper, him…….oh God. In this whole time, he was seeing me like he would force me to say some thing for his wrinkled eyes. Damn! he was enjoying my situation.

I thought it better to slip from the scene.

I heard her saying at my back “oho mai bhi kis say poochnay bheit gai jis nay shaid apni shakal bhi mirror mai sahi terhan naa dekhi ho. Listen to me! I am telling you it’s the right time for getting married… :(

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Once I wore a beautiful kolhapuri chappal. I still love it. It's of pink color with a big stone on it surrounded by some embroidery. But once a colleague praised the chappal with “it actually suits in your feet”. I never wore that chappal again. 

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I was arguing with a colleague:

I: Actually my point of view is that we need not to define each and every thing in SOPs. Some thing should remain in black and white. 

He: I agree with you but.....can you please clean lipstick from your teeth! 

I never used lipstick since then. Mom was informing me that all lipsticks have been frozen in the refrigerator. She was threatening me to give all to the maid.... :(

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To be continued...

Visit to ISB

So yesterday I made a short visit to Islamabad. It was the first time that my father allowed me to go with one of my friends. It was really a fun. We talked so much during the journey that we got literally exhauted. LOL I think all passengers might have known every thing about both of us.

We reached ISB at 10 am. We had enough time as the meeting was at 12 pm.  We visited a book shop and a market. The stone jewelery was remarkable especially the one blue stone necklace. I loved it but had to leave it thinking that no one can see it under my head scarf :( but it was good. The shopkeeper told that some bracelets would be available in few days in the same stone. I would surely buy them next time :). damn what was the name of stone? forgot that.

And it remained in my mind whole day that Pinky lives here but had no contact of her and it was also not the pre-planned visit. But I wanted to meet her once because I would have to take the appointment to meet her after her CSS exams inshAllah !!

The meeting was good. The director who was supposed to meet us did not come but sent the promise that he would see us in the next meeting. Damn! I hate him. Two of the girls pointed out that I have put on weight. budtameezein!! dil toot gaya mera tu. I already knew that....why to point it out?

One of the girls was from Peshawar. It was the first time I met a Peshawari gal (although I dislike few of men from Peshawar :P ). She was excited to meet Lahori gal. We talked alot during and after the meeting. She was a really nice girl, I must say. And I think she has the same feelings about me as I have been received two calls from her since morning :) . People do get a good impression of me but some cannot realize what a great person I am :D

Another girl was looking stunning with her glowing and fair skin. She was completely changed what she was three months back. We insisted her alot to tell us what type of skin treatment she was getting but she didn't disclose. Meesni !! But she is not that bad as she told me that I look very innocent and that I am by nature very simple and innocent :) hehe shukriya

The meeting was over in just two hours and they had no plan to offer us lunch :( . Mice had a marathon in my tummy. So we decided to go to KFC, the only restuarant  i saw nearby. But one of the girls who lives in Pindi was kind enough that she offered us lunch.hehe But she hates the KFC calling their food unhygienic :O . She took us to the Super Market Sector F and forcefully ordered the paratha roll at Mr. Food. I was bit hesitant to take tha paratha but she convinced me as I convinced myself daily 'aik parathay sey kiya hoga' but they were quite yummy. I must say!!

Then she took us to her university, the International Islamic University where she is a lecturer. She told us the detail about the recent bomb blast there which TV cahnnels were not allowed to disclose. She was in the university at that time. I would post in detail about it. knowing the detail and the trauma students are going through made me very sad and depressed. The day which was started cheerfully made all sad.

We took the bus and returned Lahore. I slept most of the time, was so tired. Papa was there to receive me.

Yesterday I have realized how much I am used to miss my Lahore where ever I go. Apparently there is no comparison of Lahore and Islamabad. Isloo is planned city with wide and clean roads and greenery every where. With gandi mandi roads, traffic jams and pollution, I still love Lahore. Oh God I missed it alot in these few hours. Lahore! you rock :)

wow it's a suprise that Gori Wife has also posted about Lahore :)

God I added things in this post ten times...sorry

I can be a danger for my boss :P

Tell you some thing....

shsshhhhhh......

first promise me you wont share it with anyone...

no no it's a secret. you ve to gimme a promise first...an honest one.......

i haven't told it anyone. promise?

okhayie. but plz keep in mind that my boss' life is on stake. This secret should never be disclosed. He may die of heart attack if  he ever know what i have done with him. If this secret discloses, you ll be the murderer of my boss. Understand?

promise naa? okay okay fine. dont be annoyed....

Actually I needed a very detailed recommendation from my Boss immediately. I told him and briefed him what aspects the letter should cover. As usual, he showed me a boring art film with his free ki smile that his recommended students always get selected and blah blah blah. I seriously didn't hear with attention what speech he made. I offered him my services for drafting the letter but he refused it at once (egoist). khair he assured me that he ll provide me the letter yesterday. That yesterday couldn't come. He kept on excusing this and that. Once he told that he had prepared it but forgot at home. He asked me to txt him at night for reminding him as the letter was in his laptop at home. I did. And I was quite sure that he would definitely bring it next day.

Next day, i went to his office and asked for the letter. Again free ki looong smile (I think his whole batisi comes out when he smiles) and said 'oh dont worry I write it now. It would take few minutes'. means he was lying the whole week. damn......I hated him that time but i didn't say any thing. He started writing the letter and I starting reading the newspaper. Against my own laid rules, I had to sit there for all that time because i knew he would start doing any thing else if i ll leave. People were coming in and out giving me strange looks. I didn't bother. I needed the letter badly. I kept on telling him what things they have demanded to be mentioned in the letter. And he also told me that he was leaving for ISB today for few days. Khair he wrote the letter, signed it and handed me over. I left his office graciously.

When I read that letter later, oh God ...........bossy should be thankful to Allah that he was not there werna pata nai mai kiya kar leti. It was such a dumb recommendation letter and I wondered how his students and employees got the admission.

My way to home, i kept on thinking the ways to handle the situation now because i didn'te have a single day to delay it.And I got the string.

Next day, I wrote a letter by myself, the excellent one, scanned the signature of boss, pasted it on the letter and took the printout on letterhead.  Then scanned the letter and sent it to the concerned people. Simple! :) :D :P

It remained simple until i remembered that they had contacted my teacher once whose letter of recommendation was also in my file. They'll definitely contact him. It would not be a problem because I know boss ll handle em well akhir he is earning for his boring talks. But the problem may arise if they email him with the attachment of the my prepared letter. But not to worry. I ll take his signature on this letter also. he wont have any objection.

But I was thinking what the reaction of my Bos if he ever knows what i have done. haha ......ohoo that's not big deal. The letter is about ME. I didn't misuse his signature. For the first time his sign has been used for a good purpose and of course:

I have issues :|

I am suck of my telephone extension at office. The stupid calls drive me nuts. And check the information which is asked usually:

Me: hello

Tel: Hi this is …... How are you? (speaks so cheerfully as I was waiting him for ages)

Me: Fine. Yes?

Tel: What is the extension of Mr/Ms XYZ.

Me: I don’t know. Ask the exchange.

Tring tring….

Me: Yes?

Tel: Hi……how are you doing?

Me: good. Yes?

Tel: I need to talk to Mr. XYZ.

Me: This is MY number not his.

Tel: Then connect my line to his

Me: I don’t know how to connect (I know it but I wont do it for you b@$%&). Ask the telephone operators.

Tring tring:

Me: hello

Tel: oh I think I have dialed a wrong number.

Me: yes you did.

Tel: how are you?

Me: *(you know you are the cheapest person on earth?)*

Tring tring:

Me: hello

Tel: isn’t it Mr. XYZ?

Me: Do I sound like him?

Tring tring:

Tel: What is the extension number of XYZ?

Me: I don’t know

Tel: how is it possible? He sits next to you?

Me: (I wish I can kick you from the top floor) why don’t you ask the exchange? They are here for this purpose.

Tel: but you should know the telephone extensions of at least your department.

Me: Yes I should learn by heart the 35 extensions of everyone. That’s my fault. I ll be careful next time.

Tring tring

Tel: Kindly tell me Mr…… is on the floor. Or Mr……..is on his seat? (hadd ho gai)

This is the one of ways people use to tease female colleagues. And they think that we are such dumb and dont understand what’s the meaning of all this. One day I got more then ten such calls. On eleventh call, you can understand how much I might have been irritated:

Me: Hello (the most irritant sound I could utter)

Tel: Oh….who are you?

Me: Whom do you want to talk to?

Tel: I need to talk to XYZ but who are you?

Me: Sorry. this is not his number.

Tel: then?

Me: ohoo press the Zero and ask them about his number. I am not supposed to learn all extension numbers here.

Tel: What is your name?

Me: (I see you are one of the eve teasers) Listen Mr. I am extremely busy and I have told you that I don’t know your required extension number. So please contact the tel operator and save yours and mine time. Thank you. (takkkkhh fone band)

At that time, I just wished to bang the telephone.

The telephone rang again after few minutes:

He: So you are ………….. (he took my name this time)

Me: So? (flatly)

He: beta I am Vice President.

Me: geeeee….. (duh duh …electric shock)

He: What happened to you beta? I thought you are the most well-mannered girl in the whole org. I wasn’t expecting it from you.

Me: Sir……..actually…….wo tu………mai tu…….nai nai……asal mai……and so on

I got so confused at that time but I tried to explain him what the actual situation was. He listened me carefully and advised me to be cautious next time. Ahhh………I had no idea that the VP had such noble thoughts about me. But what could happen now? I have ruined it all with my own hands, I mean voice….damn me!!!

P.S. Mr. XYZ who is responsible for all this should be fired at once.

My new Project and my concerns over it

Last year, I was assigned a project which was completed successfully within its time frame. We usally intiate projects and hand them over to the stakeholders. Same happened in this case. Now the project came back to me for the further work. The project is quite huge in nature and it is expected to be legalized by the Govt in few weeks.

It's not that I am incapable of handling it (dont forget that I just got promoted due to my remarkable services :) and if someone still thinks so, he/she' ll be out from the treat), actually my concern is over the financial matters of the Project. Once it legalizes, it would start generating revenues. I usually do projects which some times involves in revenues of of few lacs but they lie within the boundary of my Org where I know everyone (accounts or all that) and I know how to keep an eye on the malpractices and how to handle them. But the current project will be kind of autonomous. It would have its own small accounts section.

At that time, I am being forced to be its Projec Manager. I have done its spadework, so no one is ready to take it (me either). Actually some of its members are completely unknown for me and it would be difficult to handle them because all are executives from reknowned companies. They would surely influence all the matters of the project. I want to take this project but the expected revenues of millions of $ may attract everyone to attack upon. Many SOPs are quite vague and members want them as it is and you can better understand why. I have tried to do my job so far with  complete probity keeping record of each penny Alhamdulillah. I can route things correctly to my extent but what about the other matters which lie under me but will be influenced by others.

My director says authority brings responsibility and I should accept it wholehearted. I am really confused. I want to stay away from such high revenue generating projects which are an easy prey of corruption. As i have not much experience in handling high revenue related projects, I have a feeling that people will do things under my nose and I ll not be able to even understand them. I can understand the accounts matters but the malpractices linked to these are wide and cannot be caught by an innocent person like me :( . I feel that they are forcing me to take the complete responsibility of this project because they know that I am mot much experienced in such matters.

Oh God! i am really confused. I could not even make any sense of what I have written. crap better to shut up!!

Guys do advise me if you understand what my situation is :(

The unexpected happiness

I was seriously not expecting it all but Allah has been vey kind to me, I must say. Thank you Allah Ta'ala gee, thank you very much. I know You read my blog regularly.

Yesterday morning when I just reached my cabin, director called me up and congratulated me for getting promoted to 'Deputy Director'. I was told that I was the most derserving candidate and my case was very strong. I also got one increment.

I dont understand how to react. A strange kind of indifferent feeling is taking me over. I think I am still in shock. I am trying to make myself realize that it has happened finally. When I joined this organization, I thought, only thought sometime that I should leave this job after at least becoming Deput Director. May be the time for leaving this job has arrived. Should I start preparing the farewell speech? :)

And one interesting thing, one of my auntie (mom's cousin) called me from London just to congratulate me. Another shock. She didn't call me on becoming Assistant Director. She showed her full time affection and that the little me with shining eyes was standing in front of her eyes. I am indebted to her unexpected love. Her son also talked to me and asked my permission to add me on Facebook.....hahah such a sweet boy :D. He was feeling very shy while talking to me and auntie was yelling from the back "beta tumhari khala hai" kamal hai she forgot after reaching London that my mother is her cousin, not me.

The Farewell Party

Yesterday was the busiest day. A friend had invited us for the lunch. Umi and Ta picked me from the office and reached to Arizona Grill. The food was really good especially the grill chicken burger, so yummy.

Then I went with Umi to her home. Spent few time with her and her family. Went through her preparation and all stuff she is taking with her.

Our department had arranged a farewell party at Salt and Pepper Restaurant at 7:30 pm. I reached there at 8:30 pm because I was with the chief guests. Ta and Umi were looking very nice and I was quite dull yesterday. The food was good although we were not able to eat much because of the heavy lunch we already had. I tried my best to finish one kabab, one tikka, rice and a glass of fresh lime sprite (my fav). But still I had to bring home left over with me. I was thinking that it will be my last late night from now.

Till the comments session started, I tried to control myself fully. But all colleagues’ comments for them and for me as well made us so teary.

Yesterday I have realized how much people were envied of our friendship. They were shocked why I was not going with them to Sweden as we were used to do every thing together. They made me realized how much alone and grieved I have become. I heard many tchtch voices. Some advised Umi and Ta that they should not forget me in future and that they should do every thing possible for me. And what was the result; I was all in tears keeping my head down. I didn’t think then where I was sitting and who was looking at me.

I wondered no one has given any encouraging or consoling comment to me. No one has told me what I had been trying to understand that this is the part. They all kept on telling me that I am alone from now. No female colleague came out with “You are not alone. I will be with you now”.

I returned home with the heavy heart. I didn’t know when I slept while weeping all night. In the morning, my eyes were puffy and my dark circles were clearer than ever. At office, people are still passing by me saying ‘Oh Madam you are left alone”. I am thankful to all of them that they have finally made me realized that this is the biggest phase of my life I am going through. I don’t know what would whether I will be able or face it or not. But it is confirmed that I am left all alone.

Mehboob

I signed in the blog and started thinking to write some thing but couldn’t find any thing worthy. I was about to log out when a topic abruptly came into my mind and i.e. Mehboob. I know you have started guessing what it could be, the typical mehboob thingy or some thing else. You guys are cheeky hahaha. Let’s see what it is actually.

Before starting the post, some questions should be necessarily answered:

What is the meaning of Mehboob?

It means ‘beloved’ or ‘darling’ or ‘sweetheart’, etc etc.

Who is Mehboob?

He is a guy :p hehehe

Why I am writing on him?

Well when I was striving hard to find out any topic, he came to me, handed over few papers, smiled with his wide teeth and went away. And I got the topic. Thanks to him. He might have heart attack if learns that i have dedicated one of my post to him.

The Post begins:

Mehboob is a tall and thin guy with ajeeb o ghareeb moustaches. He is very hard working and devoted. He remains active and smiling the whole day. He is very sincere and tries to help everyone beyond his job description. He smiles like a little child who probably have lost his milky teeth. He works in our office as a photocopier. Well other offices do not hire spare individuals for mere photocopy machine but our Org has the honor to decrease the unemployment in the world in this period of employees’ retrenchment by hiring three photocopiers. No no it’s not because our photocopy machines are of lower quality and remain out of order most of the time, it is because our Org wants to do some social work as well, separate of its own dirty business. No other photocopier is worthy to mention but ‘Mehboob’. Now the question would arise in your mind that ‘Why Mehboob is worthy to mention?’ And the answer is because he’s Mehboob, I mean because of his unusual name.

The truth is that I HATE HIS NAME. I HATE HIM JUST BECAUSE OF HIS NAME. What a stupid name he has got? …..and don’t say it is not his fault, his parents might have chosen this name for him but he could, blah blah… I am not going to listen anything…..

Oh God…..you cant imagine how much I find it difficult to call him when I need him. Errr…. imagine, I am standing in the middle of the floor and calling him ‘Mehbooooob’ and he comes with a big smile on his face. His smile irritates me. It seems that he enjoys on calling with this name especially by the girls. Damn it! Can you believe we have also a person with the name ‘Dildaar’. Thank God he is not in my department.

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Sometimes names create chaos. We come across many names, which make us confused to understand whether the person is male, or a female. I mean what’s the logic behind choosing such type of names. Parent get so much excited while choosing the names for their kids. They try to find out any unusual name. I can understand their excitement but why other innocent people have to pay for their excitement and unusualness. Jump to the third port of the post.

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We occasionally arrange training programs and workshops for the skill development. Certificates and shields are distributed in such programs. In one of such program, we faced a terrible situation just because of a confusing name. On the day of workshop, an angry gentleman was shouting on my assistant and the poor assistant was in miserable condition. The matter came to me:

Me: What happened Sir?

He: what you people are doing here? Are you professionals?

Me: Sir! May I ask what wrong we have done?

He: Is he assisting you?

Me: Yes

He: So you are the real responsible. See my certificate (he showed me his certificate), it tells me I am a female.

I saw the certificate glimmering the name “Saria” and then I looked at that 6’2 ft tall man. What could I say? I can’t tell you how much my uncontrollable smile had cost me.

Two chunks of embarrassment

Last week we have arranged a training program on 5 S activities. It is a Japanese concept so a Japanese team came for training. Let me explain what are 5 S activities.

Well the 5 S are actually ……….emmm…….i mean……go and search it by yourself. I am not in mood to explain it right now.

So the Japanese came and take over the floor. Checked all the arrangements and criticized our outdated technology. Anyhow the program was good. Everyone enjoyed it. I did enjoy the first session but felt awkward in the session after the lunch.

Lunch was served. I took some rice and chicken pepper and took a corner of the dining hall. One of the Japanese was roaming around with some restlessness on his face. He did not look like most of he Japanese did as he was tall with khari khari nose and wide eyes. Two times, he came to that table I was standing near by. As a host I was supposed to ask him what’s wrong with him but I ignored. Then the third he came over there, I had to ask him what’s his problem.

Me: Can I help you?

He: No no it’s alright. Which company are you from?

Me: I am in the organizing team. (Damn it cant you see me running here and there since morning)

He: oh yes sorry I forgot (actor kahein ka)

Me: I think you need a table, as plate is quite heavy. (I saw him changing the hands for plate frequently)

He: no no I am ok with it. (Phir kiya takleef thi bay chane rooh)

Me: are you enjoying the meal? (I tried to solve the puzzle of his restlessness)

He: yes I am. It’s pretty delicious. I think it’s chicken biriyani.

Me: Not it’s vegetable rice

He: vegetable biriyani?

Me: yes (I ended it up with out any other argument)

He: you know I tried the chicken biriyani at home. (How could I know man?)

Me: really? Then? (don’t question my acting)

He: it was completely unsuccessful attempt.

Me: I am sure you’ll be through next time.

He: might be.

I turned my back to him and tried to concentrate on chicken pepper. So delicious….hmmm

He: Have you tried Japanese cuisine? (halak ka darbaan)

Me: no

He: do try it. they are not so spicy but delicious.

Me: I will. What’s your traditional dish?

He: Sushi (He explained all the ingredients used in it and how to cook it. While my all concentration was on my plate with ‘oh really, ‘that’s nice’.

Me: sounds tasty (I noticed that his plate got empty long ago)

My other colleague (female) joined us in discussion and they left me and my plate alone. I finished the meal and went for sweet dish. The guy caterer standing there did not let me touch the spoon and himself gave me an ice cream bowl and two big chunks of Kulfah. I didn’t mind. It was so delicious. I went to another empty corner but both of them (the Japanese and my colleague) caught me there. I realized that it was not the restlessness. His facial expressions were like that. I saw other Japanese, all seemed to me restless. I think it’s the restlessness that force them to do some thing. It was strange observing them. My colleague’s louder laughter came me back there.

Me: why didn’t take you guys the kulfah?

She: Let’s go. (she asked him)

He: you go please

She: you come with me (she grinned)

He: no no please you go.

She: Why don’t you come with me? (Now I was enjoying their lovely discussion).

He: I am going to the training hall. You go and enjoy the sweet dish.

She looked at me like asking me for assistance and that was the point which left me with embarrassment.

Me: (to him) why don’t you try kulfah. It’s so delicious.

He: No please you guys carry on.

Me: there is still a WHY?

He: (he looked at my bowl and said) Actually I am on diet.

My colleague followed his glance to my bowl and started hehehehe

Itni bezti……oh God. I wished to kill that kulfah guy. He gave me the two pieces; I swear I did not ask for two. Ok I was happy and thinking of taking the third one but I did not ask specifically.

Both of them went off leaving me with my kulfah alone.

Why he was dieting? He was so thin. And I, jutti Punjab di, never ever cared about my weight and I know I can never go for dieting. Was he pointing out that I should not take this kulfa? I think Not. But if Yes, then how could he dare? He ruined my mood.

Lessons to learnt:

1. Try not to talk to anyone while you are eating.
2. Do not insist anyone for taking any dish even if you are the host.
3. Eat as many chunks of kulfah or ice cream as you want but one by one.

Chill Program

Today we went for a stroll in a nearby park. Although it was a bit hot outside but it is impossible for us to stay in office during lunch break. It is a lush green park with beautiful beds of flowers and sky high trees. A gardener was watering the fields. He was routing the water to some of the pathes. Water was flowing swiftly like a little canal. We waited for the gardener to leave and then put our feet in our so-called canal/stream. I tell you it was a real fun.

Ta. munni and Me :)

People were watching us. I am sure they took us as mentally retarded. But who cares what others do think. We stayed there for good 30 minutes. We gossiped alot, laughed alot at foolish and bogus jokes. I tell you happiness is around us. We would just have to find it out. It's not in big bang things, sometimes tiny things make you more relaxed and joyous. Try it!!

Believe me, it was a real tingling experience :)

For how many times I would have to tell you that it is only a business contact?

In Pakistan, the thinking of most of the educated and extremely professional people is that if a female gives her number or asks for their number, there might have a chance of friendship beyond professional relationship. I am not saying that all men think same but most of them do.

For example, you meet a resourceful person and ask his contact information thinking that he may help you someday. He would also be delighted to exchange contact numbers thinking in a same way. Both of you keep in contact and help each other when it is needed. Occasionally, you invite each other for lunch or dinner. How much it seems easy naa when both of you have same gender. But when there is a gender difference, the whole situation turns to be ‘some thing’ else. I am not saying that the situation is same in all gender-difference-professional-relationship.

Here, I am asking why men think that the women asking for their numbers or contacting them later for some help are interested in them ACTUALLY? WHY? Why dont people change their thinking? Why men are so much obsessed in building CLOSEST and PERSONAL relationship? Why it can’t be limited to their work only? Why do they want to extend it to their personal lives also? A Big WHY!

There is a malign margin between a personal contact and a business contact. And I can’t tell you how much it is difficult to keep this difference. The exchange of contact numbers is a very common thing. Not at all a problem if both of you belong to a same gender. But we working ladies have to remain very cautious in this exchange. You of course cannot judge anyone’s nature in first or second meeting. Hence it is your contact number in their cells that determine how long your professional cooperation would last.

Some people seem very decent while asking contact numbers but their decency goes off when your email address or number come into their cells. Some people prove to be so much chipko that they cling like lizard to wall.

Thanks to Call Barring Service. Life is nothing beyond its activation.

The Safguard Commando Action

My cousins and friends living abroad are available for chatting in the morning here in Pakistan. We arrange internet-get-together once or twice in a month. In one of such getherings, I was extremely busy on facebook and working on a presentaion side by side. My boss, then, was used to glue to his chair once sat and called us time by time. For two three times he called me for making some amendments in the presentation. As I was busy in socializing :D I threw some harsh looks at him which he took as I did not like to be called so frequently in his office. I returned to my seat and continued my 'urgent work' hehehe ;p . No fear of my boss as he never came to anyone's desk. So I was reading, chatting and smiling. Suddenly I heard at my back 'Have you gone through this pie chart?' And I was like........ehm....me......sir errr........' I forgot how to minimize the window and how to bring back the minimized presentation. Seeing me nervous, he turned to my monitor. And I immediately pushed the button of my CPU with the tip of my coatshoes. System went off. hahaha the kick was so powerful that my CPU fell in my boss' feet. And he was like; 'oh I am sorry. What happened? I am really very sorry. Are you alright.' I never understood why he got so embarrassed :D .

But do remember this safguard commando action :)

It's havoc to talk on telephone in office.

Some times, it really gets messy specially for person like me who by default speaks loudly. I like the workstation type office decor (which we are having) than the closed-cabin style. But it is its major drawback that your privacy becomes public. No one needs to ask you about your family, friends or about your own personality.

I generally speak loudly. Like others, I am not in habit of speaking in such a volume which is considered to be 'whispering'. Not only me, my whole family speaks and also hears loudly. You can better understand what my position could be when a call comes from my home. Everyone from my family, cousins and friends are strictly instructed to contact me during lunch break or after office hours. But no one usually follows it. There is no proper place to go to where one can talk on telephone easily. If you want to know who are in any type of relationship, you can go to the stairs and see them by yourself :D . So stairs are also not a good option.

I think everyone would have known that how many siblings or friends I do have, or to whom I am annoyed with, or which color, drama or movie I do like, or in which restaurant I like to dine, or how much pocket money my brother is demanding this month, or what gifts my niece and nephew are ordering now, or which function is coming in my family or friends or what I am going to wear on it?

Hence, I have become a public figure.

By nature I am a very different person. I remain confined to my own business. I do not like to pay attention on what my colleagues talk on telephones. That's a bad habit.

But what one can do when some one is pouring something into your ears. They force me to hear their telephonic conversations. I personally dont like it but I am helpless.

So I am forced to listen that the motoo is having some issues with his wife, although their are going to have a baby in few months. The paindo production bhai's wife does not ask him before ironing his clothes. The mochhi is going to take his sister for shopping for the last time as she is leaving for USA yesterday. The chotkaa bhai has changed the name of his daughter. Bemar uncle's wife has some issues in serving her mother-in-law. The ever smart man speaks rudely with his wife. The sleepy fellow's daughter calls him alot to remind him her demand list. The twin friends have lot of girlfriends though they are happily married. ETC ETC

See! how much I am compelled to listen about people. hehehehe :D

He wanted me to become his Bhabhi

Yea it’s weird but it happened. Don’t know why and how.

Khair I have decided to speak it out so that my stomach gets released.

It’s been three years that I am working in the same organization. This place is very dynamic in nature. Dynamic work and dynamic people who keep on changing every second. In these people there is an amazing guy who is top of everyone in every thing. He is almost 15 years senior to me. He is happened to be against everyone by default, means not for any sure reasons. He does not lie in anyone’s good book. It was disclosed to me when the time of my confirmation came that he was also against me. He tried a lot to impede not only my confirmation but also the two of my friends’ working here. We even got the termination letter which was further suspended by the President himself. Later president confirmed us calling explanation of all such basters involved in this case.

Khair it was the long story. But I want to make it very clear that we have had very cold relationship. It’s in my nature not to interfere in others’ affairs and to confine myself in my own boundary. But he tried a lot to confront me at all level and made a lot of baseless complaints against me (It came into my knowledge after a long time). Although I was not called for any explanation even for a single time. He is very rigid in his views about females especially working ladies. He is used to taunt female colleagues khullam khulla.

Just three months back, he suddenly became very polite to me. He started saying hello-hi (we were not on hello-hi terms). He started trying to discuss any thing with me. More shockingly, he started appreciating my attitude and my working at all fronts. Like: ‘she is very nice. She is sincere to her work’. Even he said: ‘She knows that sometimes I got harsh on her but she always dealt me respectfully. She never said NO to any work I assigned her’. And each time I was there with my statement ‘that’s what I am paid for’. (Nahi tu I wanted to fix your skull). He added; ‘itni achi bachi hai I am observing her since the beginning and I never saw any thing objectionable in her’. I might have heart attack on this statement.

Then he started saying that we should start family terms, and that we should visit each others’ homes, etc etc. I smartly ignored all of his suggestions and kept on my cold behavior. Once he asked my home address and told him pretty vague that he would have been lost if he ever followed it. After all these fruitless efforts, he finally contacted one of my senior female colleagues and put his case in her court.

He had sent his brother’s proposal for me. I didn’t understand what he had actually thought of me that I would forget every thing and would be fainted with joy on such a big opportunity. Damn it!!

My colleague convinced me to think about it. His brother might be different from him as he is well educated, in fact foreign qualified, and (he asked my colleague to present his brother’s qualification boastfully), on good government job.

I forgot to tell one of his hobby that is peeri mureedi. He is very much involved in taweez gandas. I heard him threatening some of the colleagues ‘tum tu meri aik phoonk ki maar ho dekhna aik hi amal se seedha kar dun ga’. And I heard that his family is also attached with some peers.

I discussed it with my mother and put the entire scenario in front of her. She refused it and advised me to stay away from him. Although I had already conveyed him my refusal.

So the matter was closed as what I thought.

He remained angry and threw some furious looks for sometime. He was transferred to another department after committing some misconduct. I thanked God that story was over.

But I don’t know what has come in his mind now as he has again started hello-hi. Despite of my very cold and rough behavior, he still comes and asks my haal chaal. Sometimes I feel like he comes for some ‘phoonks’.

I am very scared kahein mijhay mana hi naa lay :P

No one knows in office about this. I am bit scared what he would have told others about the whole story after giving a heavy buttering dose. He’s expert in exaggeration.

Any suggestion to cope with this problem!

When you have a bad day

Yesterday was my badest day. It started showing itself since morning.

I lost my attendance card. I remained searching it the whole day but couldn’t find it yet.

Then an issue was raised that I did not tell R about the latest internal office memo. She was on leave when I received it with my bloody signature. Sign karnay ki kasoorwar ho gay mai tu. I put the memo in front of her two days back, she was supposed to read it and act accordingly but she didn’t. That was absolutely not my fault. Anyhow I don’t know what explanation she had made for this specific issue as she had many serious issues in her plate except this one.

Yesterday was my turn for lunch and I forgot it at home. After severe curses, Muni and Ta decided to go to Pizz Hut. We took the rickshaw at 1:00 pm and started towards nearest Pizza Hut. We did not know who the hell had told the rickshaw wala that we were on looong leave. He drove very slowly and stopped for CNG fill in, damn it. I was about to advise him for rickshaw wash also. We reached there at 1:30 pm and the distance was just of 10 min. It took few time for giving and serving our order. Anyhow it was served after 20 min after my passionate requests as ‘waiter bhai la do plz ab’. Khair pizza was really yummy. We were supposed to return at 2:00 pm but it was already 2. Muni said that we should halal our expensive pizza and suggested to inform the office that we were stuck in traffic. Ta did it and I also informed my section also.

We returned at 2:30 pm singing beautiful songs. Bryan Hunt had the meeting with our President yesterday. His convoy was coming out of the office gate when we reached there. We walked slowly towards the building suddenly I saw some suspicious people standing in parking:
I: ye President president sa nai lagta?
Ta: :Lagta nai ye hai hi President (she announced and hid behind the plants).
Muni: haye haye isko kiya tatleef hai abhi tak bahir khara hai
I: mai tu bahir ja rahi hoon itna badtameez sa hai aiwein hi sab k samnay class ho jaye (I went out of the gate).
Muni: Lets go in from the back gate.
I: I beg you God back gate hula ho
We reached the back gate and guards told us with a big smile that the gate was locked long time ago. We checked the basement gate which was also locked.
Ta: manhoos yehi agar tu khana le ati
I: tu mat khati aaj khana mar tu na jati
Muni: oho larna band karo ab kiya karein ye socho sab log dekh rahay hein
I: manhoos ander kiyun nai jatay ye log auratein hoti hein na guests ko see off kar k darwazay par hi batein karti rehti hein wohi haak hai inka bhi
Ta: haye Allah mijhay tu itnay kaam hein aaj (We were trying to hide behind the billboard)
I: chalo main gate se hi chaltay hein dil kara kar lo aur dheet ho jao
Muni: koi hassay mat ab
Ta :ok
We reached near building. I saw the President without moving my neck. Muni was few steps ahead of us. Ta was trying to hide at my right side while President was at my left side. I walked in confidently. When we reached near President, he called loudly ‘Kashif’.
Ta: President nay awaz di hai (I did not stop)
I: tu kashif hai kiya
Ta: mijhay laga mijhay bulaya hai (She reduced her speed)
I: khabardar ju ruki

When we reached in the list I got consciousness:
I: haye Allah kashif sab bhi thay ab tu explanation orders pohanchay hi pohanchay

Ta: jab hum kabhi saal mai aik dafa late ho jaein tu ye humaray sath hi kiyun huta hai unko koi nai poochta ju roz late atay hein
I: aur jao gulcharray uranay
Muni: aur tu aur bhool kar aa khana ghar

We spent the remaining day in extreme tension. Dheet bhi nai hua jaa raha tha

God! save this Blog

In these days, I am in such kind of axciety that I want to kill all stupid beings around, to break every thing (of others') and to delete this blog too. I want to scream out looouuuddd.....can I slap her at least?

Can anyone advise me how to get rid of this axciety?

Valentine Day Special

First of all, I would like to share my views regarding celebrating Valentine Day. I think that this is a useless practice to stupidly celebrate a specific day as a love day. People waste their precious money on buying chocolates, perfumes and flowers, which are purposely held more expensive on valentine day. Girls and boys look more stupid wearing red color. Public parks and other spots remain packed the whole day. Everyone is caught smiling and laughing without any reasons, damned. People do not celebrate any religious fiesta with this enthusiasm. Damn what the hell it is? All rubbish, all crap, and my views would remain same until and unless some one asks me for valentine. Hehehe…..how cheap I am :D

Today was same ordinary day at least for me. I heard some of my shokhay and ochhay colleagues wishing each other. Most of them were wearing red ties and one was even in red shirt. It was the height of stupidity.

My neighboring section has an intern these days. (Although B got furious when I wished her “Mubarik ho tumharay intern hua hai” hahahaha she was about to shoot me). Anyhow that intern (I don’t know his name) was asking B few days back:
Him: Madam from where we can get earrings.
B: what?
Him: I mean earrings……(he murmured some thing).
B: what are you saying? (Her loud voice left him more confused)
Him: Madam woh……I mean…….ye earrings kiya hutay hein?
(She threw such a glance like she was going to slap him on his meek knowledge).
B: ju ears mai pehantay hein unko earings kehtay hein (she chewed each word).

He looked B unbelievingly and then slapped himself on his head. He got so much embarrassed that he sat for more than an hour in bowing position.

B was on leave. And others of her section were in a meeting. My telephone set had some problem, not working properly. I went to B’s section for making two or three immediate calls. My eagled eyes saw a big bag which was put left side of the desk. It was not like of closed bag. I did not try to investigate. It was itself inviting me openly to search what’s in it. Ok that’s bad to see others’ personal stuff but it was all opened like khuli ketab. I just saw a little white teddy bear, a pack of chocolate, something in envelope and a red wrapping paper. I did not see any other thing except these few. The confused internee was going to celebrate his valentine day. Almost all staff members are married and they teased him a lot when he tried to slip quietly. So gee best of luck to him. I hope her valentine would have liked the earrings.

Of course this is for me: