May 14, 2014

So I was thinking about various types of people we meet day to day. We enjoy few people's company, some we don't. Few people like specific person and all they do is to make that person feel special. You would immediately come to know whom they like and whom they don't.

Some people like to be around specific class of people. They don't like to go beyond that class. 

On the other hand, some people belong to special category. This Special Category makes everyone feel special, regardless of their own liking or disliking and regardless of their classes.  This category is very rare. I remember only four or perhaps three of such kind of people in my whole life.I don't think they have the dual personalities. I think these people have control over their feelings and don't believe in breaking others' hearts just because others do not belong to their taste or class.

Then there are these people who dislike some people and think that it's their right to let others know that they hate them. Whatever the category you fall in, if you can't show your liking for someone, at least you should not show your disliking and hatred for them. I should also try to upgrade myself to some good category.

When you stay at home and have nothing to do except lying in the bed, you start thinking useless. Anyhow, I feel much better now Alhamdulillah. Ribs are bit fine. Arm started working. Chest ...hmmm.... would be fine inshAllah. Stiffness in neck and head would take sometime. But I am alive and this is a sheer blessing of Allah SWT ! Thank you Allah mian g. I love you loads !!!

Rejections Overloaded

There was nothing to do and nothing to think upon, so I started counting on the rejections I have received so far. I left it when I reached to 27th, thinking who would give me a medal for the total number I have tried on. It might make me sad and tired to realize how many places I have applied at so far. It's been now more than a year I am unemployed with a foreign degree in my hand and a stamp of a scholar on my forehead. It doesn't mean I regret leaving my previous job and going to USA for studies. It was the best time of my life and I am truly thankful to Allah SWT for granting me the opportunity. Though I worked for few months but it was just a part time work and most of the requiters give a damn to part time work and shockingly many refused to include it in the work experience. But what I can do or say. Everyone has one's own perspectives which have been built over years. It is useless to convince anyone in meeting or two. If you try, it would be considered an argument which is not acceptable. So it is better to remain silent and leave quietly. 

I was teaching as a visiting lecturer at a 'renowned' university. As far as teaching is concerned, it was an overwhelming experience. But when you talk about the departmental politics and so-called professionalism (which I called dualism), I have never been a good player where ever I worked as I stayed miles away from the dirty professional politics. And if it is the penalty for not being a thespian, I accept it with an open heart and do not regret it over.

I was not a Ustani (teacher)-type person. I never thought I would join academia. Honestly, I didn't have the stamina to deal with grownup kids and secondly I always believe I do not have guts to convince people about any thing, be it a lesson or a matter of life. I was forced to join academia and when joined, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I tried to give it my best. Secretly in my heart, I always wanted to be a debater. But my shyness and laziness never allowed me to do so. Then I got a chance to speak up in front of a class of at least hundred students and it was awesomely amazing. I did not know my students literally understood my lecturers or not, but they told they did. Lolz. I have to believe them. But I realized later that I were sorta popular teacher at the department due to my interesting presentation of lecturers and liveliness in the class (according to my students, though I do not believe it wholeheartedly, it might be their attempt to score a good grade :) ). The saddest part is, this all has gone and only become a part of my memory stick. Reminds me of a song: 

All has gone 
Can't you see 
Lights slipped on 
Out of me 
Never could see the spring time 
Only believe in winter

But believe me or not, winters also rock. Though rejections make you sad, lonely and disappointed and at sometimes being cursed and abandoned  but you will pass it calmly if you strongly believe that nothing lasts forever, be it the good time or the bad one (though bad times seems longer). We have to face it whether we cry over it or keep quiet. So better be patient and believe that this too shall pass! 

Rejections are not only the ones that you apply for some vacancy and get rejected. Rejections also consist of the negative responses and denials of the people around you, who use to claim to be your best friends, understanding your unsaids but prove to be the firsts leaving you in the time of distress, thinking you would never be able to overcome your failures. These are the real rejections when people refuse to include you in your lives for whatever false presumptions they have in their heads for you. You do not really know what they think, but these rejections get overloaded and more painful when add up together and make you more depressed. 

The most crucial question is why do people leave you alone? There might be many reasons.  Firstly, they might think you would ask for some help from them. You would ask them to adjust you at the place where they work. Secondly, you might ask for financial help. Thirdly, they might want to save their perfectly running family and professional lives from your evil eye *evil wink*. And lastly, they are tired of listening your problems and your lifelessness. So they keep their shoulder safe from bending as you have cried over it alot and tell you it's the time to go find some other shoulder or use your knees to cry over. But these are the times when true friends are found for lifetime. And you learn to differentiate between donkeys and horses :) To say it is easy, but to experience it in your real life is goddamn difficult. That's why I disagree with 'sharing is caring'. Keep yourself with you. Everyone is busy in one's own life. You are the only one who has lifelong time for yourself. Accept your weaknesses and failures and make yourself your best friend so that you do not need to wait for someone to come and share your heart. But keep your doors open for sincere friends not for spectators!

My fav pic of the day! Remember you are a stomie, bas let these rejections pass once ;P!

To keep myself composed in depression, I try to do different things. More I get depressed, more I write and sleep. When I am not sleeping, I am writing. When I am sleeping, I am dreaming about writing something. So you will be seeing many posts in coming days and I ve postponed the idea of deleting my blog for the time being. What else am I doing these days? Hmmm yes stitching clothes. I love sewing. I am not expert in that but never mind I keep trying to become expert on day. I collected or abondoned clothes and stitched many cushion covers, dusters and table covers. I also tried few new dishes, would be writing on that too. That's all what I have to say for today. Bye till the next post :) 

Bah!

and then at a very odd stage of your life, you wish to have babies after seeing the most adorable, cutest, crackling and blue-eyed baby (mashAllah) :/

USA, Facebook and Pets

USA seems to me like a big facebook, with happy faces and apparently no worries. They are crazy about Facebook and pets. Both capture major part of an average American's life. They love to talk about their pets in their day to day life as well as on Facebook. 90% of their status would be about their pets. Most of them would put their pets' pictures as their profile pictures. They would name human names to their pets. If you would visit any American family who has pet, and you would ask about their kids only and not about their pet, they would get a chance to hate you forever. Hence, they give same status to their pets and kids.

How much thankless I am

There was a time when I used to fight for making any decision of my life. Then the time came when I so wanted someone could make decisions.......

Economics and Porn

Scene: I was discussing about the class we just had with a bunch of class mates.

He (a white guy):  So what do you think of today's lecture?

I: Well today's lecture was pretty good. I think he has started explaining things more in detail....blah blah.........but I am still confused about the concepts of homotheticity and homogeneity. Can you explain the difference?

He: Well I dont remember their exact definition but I can tell which production function is homothetic and which is homogeneous by looking at it. It's same like I cannot present the definition of porn but I can differentiate it among the other plain stuff by watching it.

P.S. Life becomes little bit complicated with a half broken tooth :(

Another similar day for them! :(

I can understand and feel how difficult it is for parents to say good bye to their kids for some journey and specially when the journey is full of uncertainties and fears. He is their last kid. And now all have gone to their destinations with the hope of better futures like birds, who leave their parents' nests when they learn flying. Kids are not selfish. It's not that they do not love their parents. It's also not that they do not want to stay with their them. It's just because they just have to go with a life long burden on their hearts. Can anyone tell the parents that kids love them so much and that they are as sad as the parents are while leaving them? Can anyone tell them it is the most difficult decision of life that one could make? Can anyone tell them to believe that they will be together again? Can anyone?

Oi maan!!.....that's called a perfect snow storm

So we had a zabardast storm which stayed almost one day. They said that it's the third biggest storm in the history. Winds blew at the same speed as they do in Katrina. And the snow fell from the sky like someone was throwing buckets of snow. Night was horrible. I could not sleep due to the scary voices of the wind like "ghooooonghoooo". Thank God it's passed without any major damage.

We got two days off from the school. Wo0oho0o....I couldn't stop myself from putting up this status on facebook

"I know that's mean to say someone is happy with the storm as all classes are cancelled :P" 

I slept like bear in these two days. Still feeling drowsy. I made chicken karhai today and glued to CNN all day. Everyone was hanging out for sledding. I could not go out :( because I was already fighting with cold, runny nose and some rude sneezes which have shower effects (stay away from me, i am a walking flu). But this Sunday, we have planned to go for sledding inshAllah. That may be my last snow here!

Now some pictures (steeling some of my friends' pics too):

The frozen river

My friend's father is taking time out from shoveling....lol......I like this man alot. He is a real fun!

My window at night....snow all over

I live on the 4rth floor. When I looked down from the window, I shuddered to think what if the snow would reach to my window!

I heard that electricity was gone in few places when blizzard came. I was praying that would not happen with us. I hate this dorm even with electricity. Without electricity, I WOULD definitely loathe it!

P.S. We are praying classes will be cancelled tomorrow also (fingers crossed)..."mujhay neend aa rahi hai"....addicted :P 

My First blogger meetup

Finally, a fan and I managed to meet up for the first time. I stopped by Chicago while returning from Michigan. She also had arrived from NJ in the after noon that day. Although I was and am still on vacations (hehe still few days), but these were her busy days as her school had just started. Anyhow, I spent a night and almost a day with her. She is such a nice and lovely girl. I literally enjoyed our discussions on life, study, marriage, careers, family, politics, etc. She made yummy dinner for me. I really appreciate how she managed to cook  and pick me up from the station in that short time. We went for movie as a fan was volunteering for some film club. She showed me her school and we took few pictures. After that we went for a long walk and had chocolate cones in that freezing cold. It was fun.

Next day, another friend of mine joined us there. We hanged out together and had fun. Went to the Shedd Aquarium, but could not make to the Art gallery this time too. I hope next time we should straight go to it first.

On our returned, we missed our bus. it left just in front of us and they did not stop it even my friend knocked the door. They said door was closed and would now be opened on its destination.  Damn! I missed Niazi coach here. We had to buy a new ticket and wait for the next bus. I never ever missed any of my bus, plane or train, but now I ve been deprived of using this dialogue from so on.

All in all it was really a good trip (minus the last thingy). I got to meet a fan which was the main purpose of this visit. Thanks alot a fan for your hospitality and love. I am looking forward to your visit at our place!

P.S. I am looking forward to meet my other blogger friends :)

Snow, coffee and finals......an awful combination, I must say!!!

Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Christmas and New Year Celebrations

These are the three big events in US. Thanksgiving and Black Friday have just been passed and celebrations for Christmas and New Year have just been started. I were and I am so excited for all these and trying to enjoy the each bit of it, though busy.

We were invited for the thanksgiving dinner by one of our friends' family. It was all fun. The family was originally Canada, so gotta chance to meet a Canadian family also. Although they used to celebrate their thanksgiving on different date according to their tradition but they arranged that dinner for us.

My friend is married and have two boys. One is four and the other one is 2. Both are literally cute and extremely naughty, but very mannered and friendly. My two other friends were also invited for the dinner. They made alot of food. The main dish was of course turkey which seemed good. All other dishes were full of cheese and cream. I was so hungry and those dishes were two heavy for me to eat more than three to four spoons. My friend's mother was so kind and she gave a surprise in form of presenting a desi dish of cauliflower (gobhi). It tasted very nice. At the end, yummy pumpkin pie was served.

Gobhi, Little bit oily, okay very oily, but tasted good :P

They called it Jammie's Murphy, simply the mashed potatoes with cheese and few other things. 

Fruit Salad which I made. Looks more than a fruit chaat without chaat masala :D. For the first time, I tried kiwis, yummyyyyyy :)

There was another dish of mashed turnips that I did not dare to taste. But I have realized one thing that they like most of the things in mashed form. Isn't it strange?

We talked alot, played alot with boys and took alot of pictures. My friend's husband was determined to teach me the American Football. Mind you! Soccer and American football are two different games. I learnt little bit but I remained convinced that cricket is the most interesting game than these ones. Auntie gee asked me too many questions because I were the only one among three of us who was ready to talk about Pakistani politics. So she asked me almost everything, from fall of Dhaka to Indian occupation of Kashmir, from 9/11 to war against terrorism, from our water disputes with India to border issues, from our villages to big cities, from earthquake to flood, from arranged marriages to love marriages, she brought the map and asked where my city was located. She wanted to ask more but her daughter had to interrupt us and divert our attention to the preparation of dinner. Thanks dear :)

Uncle gee was the only person who was properly dressed up. He was wearing the very formal shoes I had ever seen wearing anyone at home. At my stares (yes I become rude sometimes), he had to explained that it was his hobby to dress up all the time which he blamed to the Britain. Remember! Canada was also a British Colony? Then we laughed alot on the Britishers' hobby of colonial extension :D

Khair the day ended with the promise that we would also give them a chance to have our Pakistani food. And now that day is just near. They again invited us for Christmas dinner and wanted us to bring some Pakistani dishes. I am again excited to try their Christmas special dishes and praying that they would not be that heavy this time. We are told that boys are impatiently waiting for us with the beautiful Christmas trees they have decorated at the home.

Oh I forgot one thing, we also went for shopping at night. Come on! it was Black Friday night. Oh God it was all crazy. US has biggest sales in the year on Black Friday. Despite of coldest and chilling weather, there were hundreds of people in the malls, literally running from one to another shop to buy whatever they got. There were long queues in fronts of almost all stores. We stood for an hour in front of Coach but spent just 3 minutes when we got entered. It was so expensive even with sale. I bought few things, not much but I really enjoyed  the whole festive atmosphere. I did not see such eagerness here before.

P.S. Yes I do have finals before Christmas :(

Do carry a affidavit form about your pregnancy if you are travelling to US.

Few days back, I fell badly on ground backwards. My head, neck, backbone and feet hit the ground like hell. I don't remember what was happening around. What I remember was my terrible screams, my friends' crying, their dragging me to the door, the chilling wind, shivering and then all blackout. Then someone called my name at least ten times, shuddered me at least 20 times and threw a sharp light into my eyes with "Hey! you are in paramedics' safe hands. See in the middle of my both eyes". They were doing something with me which I don't remember now but they didn't let me sleep. I think they were trying to fix me on a board. Then I was taken to the hospital where I had to spent a night. I went through different tests, Cat scan and X rays.

I felt one thing badly. They only wanted me to remain in consciousness to answer the one most imortant question; "Are you pregnant"? They asked this question to my friends many times "Is she pregnant"? "Is there any chance that she could be pregnant"? They did not trust their answer which was negative. So they used to shudder me through the places I was badly hit and ask the same question time and again. Many times, I felt that they were more interested in my pregnancy than treating my bad injuries. "Are you not pregnant"? O man what's the big deal. I am sure there would be many ladies who die without making any kid......but why are they asking this question? At some point, I thought I might be pregnant and I might forget about it. But how is it possble? nahi nahi.....I dont drink. I dont take any other intoxication. Then how could I do such a big thing in unconsciousness? They didn't believe my friends' and my words. They woke me up the 30th time and forced me to sign a form declaring that I wasn't pregnant. Gosh!!

P.S. Living in US, everyone would doubt your virginity after seeing your age. :|

Acceptance!

I don't know how many events, family functions and other interesting occasions I would miss further. I think all. I am getting used to it now. Events come and pass and leave me with pictures only. I live on pictures. Pictures of all my loved ones are always with me. For few months,  I used to keep all pictures on my bed with the childish thought that they were with me. Then, these went to my study table and now they are lying in the drawer. I ve realized that they are only pictures, nothing more than that. I don't see them much, may be once in two weeks. I don't miss anyone much. i don't talk to them much. I have accepted that I am alone here and I will have to live like this for many years to come. Isn't acceptance a relief in itself?

Eid :)

I am in love

So, I have temporarily moved to Washington DC for the summer internship. I am getting used to the packing, moving to the new places and starting my life from A. I know I will be doing this for the rest of my life. So I should not complain about it anymore. Khair I am completely settled down here now. Same routine is going on. Get up early, rush for the bus, get into the freaky Metro, reach the office, work like a bloody stupid intern (even after working at a senior post for 5 yrs, for God sake!!), return home through the same route (God, God!) and sleep. That's all what I do.

But weekends are fun. I am staying with two of my friends. We share same "lovely" natures :P , so we enjoy alot. One has a car yuhoooooo. We wander around all the time. Tomorrow we are planning to go to Virginia for Chicken Karahi :D (there is a place very famous for karhai, lekin lahore wali baat tu nahi hogi naa ahhh) and may be visiting the water park there. 

Here I just want to confess one thing that I am in love:

Yeah that's true. I really liked Washington more than Chicago (Sorry a Fan). There is so much fun here. The historical buildings, very good public transportation system, all type of food around the world, the weather which is same as Lahore's (warm and humid) and top of all PEOPLE here. People are so lovely and helpful. You cant be lost here. You will find someone around to help you to find the place. And they are very well dressed. You will not find even a single person wearing tidy cloths here. 

The most excited thing is that the entry to all museums is free. wowowo0o0!! When I came to know this, I could not hide my excitement. You know muft khoray ...hehe....  I love visiting museums. So far I have visited one of them. Will post some pics later. 

I will try to keep updating the blog. But I am not sure I will be able to do so or not. Because I am fed with this blog now. In fact, I am fed up with socializing now. I don't know why. These days I want to sit quietly  in a corner of my apartment. I think I am missing everyone :(

Yes I am alive!

Life is running like a bullet these days (err  I always have a same ghissa pitta dialogue for each of my post. yeah i am a boring fellow. Go somewhere else. Or I should suggest which blog you should visit? :| ). There are so many things I want to blog about but I think I wont be able to do so. One day I will myself become a problem while solving these numerous problem sets :( . There are so many things I want to share with you people. I think I will have to find time by hook or by crook. Blog is for me a  Self Talk and I need it more than any other time.
Two important things happened these days; like my friend; a fan finally got the entry in Booth. I will be meeting her in Fall. yuppyyyy I am very excited..... about the Baskin-Robbins ice cream which she has already offered me :) .

And I finally ended up today with taking a good exam. I had two really bad ones :( . Thank God i am kind of coming back to studies.

Like you, I also receive tons of forwarded emails. I usually do not read such emails fully. But an email in which the personalities of the persons with specific dates of birth were described, grabbed my attention. It says following about me:

Always up to some sort of a mischief! The mischievous gleam in your eyes is what makes you so cute and attractive to everyone. You are an extremely fun-to-be-with kind of person. No wonder people seek for your company and look forward to include you for all get-together' s. However, you are sensitive which is a drawback. People need to select their words while talking to you. If someone tries to fiddle around and play with words while dealing with you, it is enough to invite your wrath. God bless the person then!

This small paragraph describes my whole personality. O God!! I dont know who are those people creating such emails but this is so true at least for me. I checked many of my friends', more or less their personality descriptions were correct. 

P.s.  I ve  already  explained many times that I like euphoria . Do anyone has any problem with that?

The real drama!

Okay guys, after so many ta'anay of The Chef and others, I am going to tell you the story of my thrilling journey.

I had connecting flights from Lahore to Dubai to London to Chicago to Milwaukee. See how much a long journey I had. The whole journey was supposed to take 36 hours approximately. But you would be shocked to know that it took me three days to actually reached Milwaukee.  It's a long story? kal naa suna doon? nahi? ok listen then!

I was traveling all alone. Nahi nahi there were other people in the plane, I mean no other fellow girl was traveling with me. All had reached there a day before. My visa arrived two days late so I had to travel alone. Due to fog, my flight from Lahore to Dubai took off eleven hours late. When I reached Dubai, it was a 100 waltz  shock for me that I had missed my next flight because it was the connecting flight. I had to stay one night in Dubai. They provided me one night stay in a hotel (a superb hotel) .  My cousin's husband is working in Dubai. So I called him after checking in the hotel. He picked me up in half an hour and drove me through Dubai. O God it's a beautiful place, I must say. It was night out there and I kept saying "kitni electricity hai in k paas". Postman! Dubai is a good place  to visit :P .....hehe

We went to a big, big, biggest shopping mall. I don't remember it's name but I had its pics. I think it was Carrefour. I would post the pics later. It was quit amazing. I bought a bag for my hand-carry luggage because the bag I had had no wheels and it was extremely difficult to carry it and stand by in lines for checking in. So it was a bad suggestion of carrying a hand carry bag without wheels. And I will surely get my bag's price the person who suggested it! so appi be ready to pay it.

We also went to KFC there. The taste of their chicken was quite different but good. Dubai seems a country of Filipinos. You meet them every where you go.  I returned hotel late night. I could sleep the remaining hours. I kept looking at the newly introduced shuttle of Dubai which comes after half an hour. My window was exactly near its track. It looked so yummy seriously. I loved it.

Next day, flight was again two hrs late because of the heavy traffic at Dubai airport. No one comes to sit with me. So I lied on the seat, took the blanket upto my face and slept the whole journey to London. After reaching London, it took me two hours to reach at the counter for the next flight to Chicago, you know the high security checks. My flight to Chicago flew just 10 minutes before I reached there. whooop...I was about to cry at the moment, but got control and started fighting with the Emirates people. They had already arranged my next flight and my stay in London. So  another one-night-stay in London. And you know what I was so happy later for losing that flight. hehe..... Many of my relatives live in London. I reached the hotel, checked in and called my uncle who immediately came there and took me to his home. All relatives got to gather at a very short notice and there was an exciting and surprising party which continued the whole night. I met most of them after such a long time.  There were so many dishes to taste but I was interested in delicious drum sticks, roasted chicken and the chapatis, O God I missed them alot. All uncles and aunties gave me alot of money for shopping at duty free shops of Heatherow Airport and coins for calling home. I still have more than half of that money.

London was congested type of city but duly planned and beautifully built. I loved its traditional architecture. I was surprised to see its narrow roads and the double decker buses whose drivers are very smart to drive through these roads.

Next day, all came to say me good bye at the Airport. It was the emotional moment. I again felt that someone is dragging me out of my parents, the same feeling which I experienced at the Lahore Airport. I left London with teary eyes. But I WILL always remember the night which I spent there.

The flight was at time, thank God. But it was the alert journey because an old fatty uncle was siting by my side. All the time we struggled to stay away from each. I did not eat any thing during the flight, you know why. I reached Chicago the next day after a long tiring journey. The American Airline had kept me on a stand by seat and another confirmed seat. And luckily my name was called for boarding the plan. I was all smiling and threw a vanity glance at the long waiting queue. Reached Milwaukee finally.  I loved the half an hour flight of this small jet plane. The thrilling journey ended peacefully Alhamdulliah. Problems came but along their solutions. I saw beautiful airports and cities and met number people.

I reached Milwaukee at night and my classes started exactly the other day. I am still coping with the jetlag but quite fine now and will be more fine inshaAllah. Study is quite difficult and different. But teachers are all helpful.

Surprise!

I knocked at the door of my newly alloted apartment. An Indian girl opened the door and welcomed me with her cheerful smile. O thank God!  I had prayed that one of my apartment mates should be a Muslim or an Indian. Thank you Allah gee!!!

And sorry I again could not type the long post. I promise I will try it the next time!! kasam say!

Tears all the way!

Chatting is fine. You can send cheerful replies to your loveones while shedding the tears and telling them every thing is going perfect. BTW why these tears are used to so warm? It may be because they come straight from your heart at the time when you feel like someone is stirring your heart on the flame. Damn it!! I always talk rubbish!

There's many a slip between cup and lip!

It was a rumour just few days back but now it has come out to be a reality. Yes it has happened to me. You can tell people around you that it's no more a rumour. It is happening.

Precisely, I am informed by my sponsoring body that my case is still in process and could not yet get the clearance from the Security Department. And do you know why? Because my Surname is Khan. Additionally, my father's middle name is Ullah which is also suspecious for them. They have serious security concerns about me.

My sponsoring body and their Mission in Pak have tried to make me understand what their system is and what the problem is. But all seems their excuses or consolations.

My classes are going to start on Jan 25. My flight was on Jan 19. I have received the ticket but all is useless. This would be second time that my flight is going to delay.

I wish i could have any friend available at this time of the night. Do I want to cry? But what would I get through it. Everyone is already upset at home due to me. Stop these tears you silly darn!!! STOPPPP!!

I dont know what's next. But I will have to face what has written for me. Is it really happening to me?