It happens every time. Whenever I expect the worst, I get the average. And whenever I expect the best, I again stick to the average. The Average is becoming a part of my life. Or it may not be wrong if I say that my life is based on averages :P
I was the average student, an average human being with average looks, an averagely loving person, an average well-dressed, average serious, average witty, average intelligent, average hardworking and I only love Averages in mathematics. How funny :D
Khair! I was expecting worst behavior of my relatives while meeting them. But the day went off without anything worst but averagely good. Interesting!
Except my dadi jaan who remained telling me that I am going to take her heart with me. And how her son will live without me. Ahhhh……It was the real drama, an emotional one but I didn’t cry. Not even a tear fell from my eyes. I could not bear anyone crying in front of me. I remember that I used to cry even to watch any emotional scene on tv. Khair! I am trying to avoid it. It may be beacuse I have cried alot or that I am saving my saltish water for my future. Or that I want to show others that I am a brave girl and happy on what is going to happen. There may be many reasons. Many people tried to make me cry through their sentimental dialogues but I am a dheet of my kind. Oh yes the one reason may be that I am kind of selfish....*sheeeesh*. I hope it's not!
One thing that I forgot to mention that I am averagely excited on going abroad. Dont know why but I never had dreams of going abroad or all that. I am happy and thanking Allah SWT but not that excited which I should be. I am going through strange feelings these days.
"..I am averagely excited on going abroad.."
ReplyDelete3yrs ago when i was leaving home, i had this same mixed feeling. A few months before departure, i had been extremely excited by the oppurtunity to live in Europe (and i had struggled a lot to clinch it in the first place). But as the weeks passed i was into this mixed thoughts. I realised the cause of this after i had spent a few months in Dublin. I think it is mostly the fear of unknown (or rather perceptions of unknown) like kind of people i will meet, will they be friendly or hostile, how will i do everything myself, what will i eat (it was a big issue as i had converted to vegetarian diet) and then as the time approaches you realise what being at home and being close to everybody means actually. You can fall back on your parents and sibling in any trouble and ofcourse dear friends and even neighbours. I remember my friend (a 30 year old male) - his eyes watery when he hugged me. These things never pass our mind what if these people are not around us. On top of this i had a wife (.. yes as you once posted it is such a luxury ;) and then was my adorable 6 month old son). and then add to this the perception we have that all westeners are cold and practical. Nobody knows who lives next door, keep to themselves blah blah .. So once i spent a few months, discovered all the groccery stores, met so many good people (My European lunch group) and so many South Asians and got comfortable in my routine even started enjoying the weather and the outings in the countryside and thanks to internet was always in touch with everybody back home - then i realised it was the fear of unknown and the fear of change. Don't worry it's the way we are i guess and happily so.
As thechef rightly pointed out, it's mainly the fear of change you are going through.
ReplyDeleteBut i kind of agree with your first 2 paragraphs, as it suits me as well, except the love of averages in Maths. And at times, it definitely irks me. :)
wen i got here, i was being really weepy...my tantrums started a few days before i got here in fact. its gotten much better now. my family has started to settle down too.
ReplyDeletejust believe in urself, ul do just fine insha Allah. and trust me, crying a bit actually helps.
uhh. umm. the farthest I have gone is 1800 km south in to Pakistan :| everyone is the same here as they were back home. Nobody even invites me to Dubai!
ReplyDeleteAm I an average loser or one of a kind?
oh sorry.. its your blog and I was supposed to comfort you. Thousand and 24 apologies.
ReplyDeleteoh sorry to bother again..
ReplyDelete*taking one apology back out of thousand and 24*
owed it to someone else too. Take care.
thanks everyone (minus Postman) for your support. mean alot to me.
ReplyDeleteFear of unknown....hmmm....yes it is there. But there are many other things which are bothering me. They are not related to my living in US but to my family and my country.
Each day comes with more problems. Sometimes it seems that everything has settled down. And the other day all settled things collapse. I feel myself a mere spectator.
I feel literally guilty of leaving my family and country in these poor cicumstances.
The Chef: I am also concerned about my food there.
A fan: Two Average Friends :)
Karachiwali: I would definitely need a person who can catch my tanturms there.
Postman: take this tissue!!
Imam PostMan gave a fatwa long time ago.. here
ReplyDeleteAdd me on gtalk, facebook, everywhere...im usually online and always in a talkative mood. wont let you feel lonely
ReplyDeleteHey, you'll do just fine. I know,many prayers! :)
ReplyDeleteFalsa
Karachiwali: now you are offering it yourself. Dont complain me tomorrow that I am sticky :P
ReplyDeleteFalsa: I hope so and thanks for the prayers :)
oh shukar everything went fine, otherwise such things hurt a lot..!
ReplyDeletethis problem solved, every other would too....!
just dont you worry
:p
inshAllah....ye larki kitni achi hai :)
ReplyDelete