Being Paranoid

You travel a long distance in hope of reaching a destination. When you get in there, you realize it's not actually the destination you ve traveled for, but a mere stopover. You start again. You stop by many such points, same like a thirsty traveler in the desert who considers the shiny sand as water and rushes towards it. Each time you start, start with a new beginning and enthusiasm that this time it would be your destination. Tiredness has not been a word in your dictionary. You start and stop, stop and start again. This struggle carries on for many years. And then you finally realize that you are actually lost in search of a destination. The thought of being lost makes you tire. This is the time when you want to accept that you could be tired too. And when you accept it, it makes you more tired, deadly tired. Standing at this point of your life, you look back and see the long distance you have traveled, ask yourself questions that don't have answers and just want to sit at this very point.  

I am lost and tired. I do not want to stand and start it again. I am not ashamed to admit that I ve failed over and over again. I know it's not the end of the world, but you know I already had a small world. I know failures are the part of life, but some failures leave a dark shadow over the remaining part of your life. I know this would be over soon, but 'kaun jeeta hai teri zulf k sar honay tak'. I failed at all fronts of my life. All means all. I am gonna lost another year of my life. I neither become a good human being nor a good Muslim. I have forgot that I am accountable for each and every action of mine. I have forgot that I will also die one day and that day can come anytime. I know life is short and we should live this life for the sake of earning good in the eternal life. I have failed earning good in this life and I can see my bad end clearly. I think I am mentally tired too. I literally think alot and do little, rather nothing. Swear to God, I tried ALOT not to fall prey to it, but this depression have taken me over. I need some rest. Call it a depression break. I dont know how long it's gonna be. I will have to wait quietly and patiently and see what this new year has for me!

Happy New Year to all!

Gotta friend?

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life. ~*Bob Marley*~

Demise

So her father died on December 16. He left the world in unconsciousness. He was in deep pain. Cancer cells reached his brain through blood and made his condition more severe. What an unbelievable situation where you wish anything for your parent that can ease their pain, be it death. She could not come. She saw her father though Skype. That was unbearable but it had passed. Time has to pass. For her, regrets of not being here during his last days would remain alive but life will still go on. May Allah forgive him, make his next life peaceful and grant him a special place in Jannah and give strength to my friend and her family to bear this great loss. Ameen!

Feeling terrible

I do't know what type of days these are. When one things goes wrong, every thing follows it. When you are going through the bad times, all bad news are searching for you, whether these are about you or about the people you are associated with. My very close friend's father is in hospital and is unconscious from last three days. She is out of the county for her PhD. This is making me really very upset. I can understand what she would be feeling right now and that makes me feeling so terrible and sad. I dont know how to respond to her emails and what to say in return, how to console her. She cant come right now and that's not only killing her, but me as well. Uncle is a very lively person. I always saw him welcoming me and  laughing on our stupid jokes. He has been suffering from liver cancer which is at its last stage. Seeing a cheerful person on machines is unbearable. May Allah give him healthy life. It's of course not a big deal for Him. And may Allah give strength to my dear friend and create an opportunity that she can return for a short time and spend few moments with her family in this time of distress.

I hear parents saying that parents cannot see their children in a suffering. To this, I would say that it's killing for children as well to see their ever loving parents suffering in a terrible situation like this.  I remember how my mother's illness used to kill me every day. Millions of thanks to Allah Almighty that He has blessed her with health. But how I can forget those moments. That's why whenever I hear about anyone's parents in the same situation, it makes me all teary. Prayers!

Beauty Tip # 10987

As I have done with learning makeup, now I have started searching and collecting beauty tips which should focus on preserving and enhancing your natural beauty. I thought I should share these tips. This blog is actually my diary so posting these tips here will be handy for me to use in future.

Get Rid Of Black Heads In 5 Minutes:

• -Half lemon and 3-4 drops of honey. Rub the lemon on your face, emphasize the black head prone areas like nose, chin etc.
• -Leave the lemon and honey mixture on your face for 5 minutes, then wash it with cold water. 
• -You will see the results immediately. Additionally, lemon juice will also fade other marks/spots on the face and honey will moisturize.
• -Really can feel/see the difference.

Grow your eyelashes:

• -Wash an old mascara or nail polish container, 
• -Fill with 1/4 of the container with castor oil, 
• - 1/2 vitamin E oil, 1/4 aloe vera gel. 
• -Mix together as well as you can with your mascara wand, and apply a light layer to lashes every night before bed. 
• -Castor oil thickens your lashes while aloe vera gel lengthens. 
• -Vitamin E accelerates length. After one month, you will notice stronger, longer, more beautiful eyelashes.

Makeup tips for me

Remember I was so enthusiastic to learning makeup but I did not write anything about it. You know why? because of this!

So I met this girl who was daughter of my father's friend. She was very nice and friendly. Their family lives in Dearborn, Michigan and I spent my winter break with them. So this cheerful girl used to work part time at a saloon there. Since then, I have been asking her questions about my makeup off and on. Once she did my makeup and advised me following that actually made me lazy to learn doing makeup:

>Your facial features are very prominent. Never ever apply heavy makeup on your face. It would make you look older ( :-o ) 

>Whatever you apply on your whole face, always always go for lightest lipstick shade. And she recommended me Victoria's Secret 's lip gloss of No. 10. 

>Do not ever try to apply eye liner (no please I just bought the expensive L'Oreal eyeliner). You have little hooded eyes and would become more hooded as you grow older, eyeliner would make you look over loaded. Only a good makeup artist can apply eyeliner on your eyes. You should avoid it (Now I realized why I looked sleepy and overloaded in my old photos on weddings). 

>As you have hooded eyes, you should always apply highlighter under your eyebrows.

>Apply a darker shade from the middle to the outer end of your eyes. Avoid rang barangay (colorful) eye shadows. You look more sophisticated with one shade.

>Mascara is good for you. Apply it excessively. It would make your eye lashes more longer and eye-catching. 

>Apply a lighter blush under your cheek bones and on chin. That's all.

>Tie your hair loosely and leave few bangs on your face. Will give you a soft and slim look (and she cut my bangs for the first time in my life and yes I allowed her).

That's all for my makeup!

Whenever I recall these tips, I feel more lazy. I like the kind of makeup that makes you look what you are, not to make you an entirely new person. I laugh when people compliments ladies after makeup; "Wow you are looking beautiful. Pehchani nahi ja rahi bilkul". hehe....