Harsh Realities of life

So me again. Life is going all well. Yes I remained upset for some days but have to accept the harsh realities of life. Actually an incident has left me with many questions, nuisance, frustration and a heart deep pain. I don’t know for how many times I have washed my hands but the smell and stains of blood seem everlasting. It would have happened to many of you but it happened to me for the first time.

Now the incident………

My brother and I were returning home after some wandering around on his bike. It was around 0930 pm (yes we do wander late night hehehe). We saw a mob at the petrol pump near Chuburji. When came closer, we saw a middle aged women lying unconscious on the road. There was no woman around. Few men were trying to lift her up mercilessly but they could raise her up, as she was quite bulky and completely unconscious. The way they were lifting her up was quite terrible. I couldn’t see it and jumped from the bike. Blood was oozing fast from her head. Her whole face was covered with blood. For some time, I forgot everything. I was standing shocked there to see the blood. I never had a chance in my whole life to see such a massive bleeding of someone. My legs started trembling. I felt like I am also going to faint. Suddenly my brother shouted, “Did anyone call 1122 rescue?” A little boy of 10 told that they were not receiving the call. Another man pointed towards me and screamed “peechay peechay ho jaein ye aik baji aa gai hein ye sambhalti hein auntie ko”. Everyone made baji’s way to auntie but baji was unable to move. My brother held my shoulder and yelled again “Stop any car and I search for some taxi or rickshaw”. I came into my senses and rushed to the main road. I tried to stop some cars. Some didn’t stop. Few bothered to stop but they refused to take the auntie to the hospital. Some changed their direction after seeing the injured auntie. At that time, I thought we might not be able to get any help. The interesting thing was that there were 20 of people standing just as spectators. No one was doing any thing. I saw a young boy crying over auntie’s head. He was her son. He told me that she fell from his bike. My brother brought a rickshaw. When we were trying to put auntie into rickshaw, the damn rickshaw driver went off.

With a sudden thought, I made a call to 1122 rescue service from my cell. They picked up the phone immediately. I wanted to slap that boy who was saying that they were not receiving any call. We told the exact location. I tied her head with her dupata. She was wearing silken dress and blood was hardly absorbing in it. But my cotton suit was quickly absorbing her blood. She shook her head with a jerk, which untied her dupatta. I again tied her head with the dupatta. This time, my hands were not shaking and I tied her head tightly. After some time, the bleeding was stopped a bit, don’t know why. She gained some consciousness. Her son and I picked her up and help her to sit on the chair (she was quite heavy duty). My brother told us that ambulance was coming in seven minutes.

Auntie started shouting while holding my hand “Munir, mijhay kuch nazar nai aa raha (I cant see)”. Her son came closer and instead of consoling her started crying. She didn’t remember what had happened to her. Khair I tried to make her calm but auntie got unconscious time and again. The ambulance came after exact 7 minutes. The first question they asked was “auntie can you walk towards ambulance”. Auntie didn’t responded, and then he said to me “help her to get into the ambulance”. I wished to ask him what he was supposed to do. But I was indebted to him that they guys came anyway. He insisted me a lot to accompany the auntie in the ambulance but I did agree and my brother was also holding my hand with the not-to-go-looks. They went off siring toontunotuun.

I forgot to take the number of auntie. I am sure that auntie will be quite well and healthy and enjoying her at home. Ameen.

I heard before that people don’t stop while seeing any accident. Now I have experienced it. I can’t explain you the desperate situation that we have faced. Are we really that selfish? How can we see some one dying? Why do we always think that some one would surely help them if not me? Why do we try to be among those who help people? Is it that difficult? We were giving extra fare to rickshaw driver but he didn’t ready to take us to the hospital.

My brother told that we should help the accident affectees till the aid comes. Beyond it, we can be trapped in police investigation. What the hell it is? Is a police investigation more important than a human life? And how can we stop helping others with the fear of police inquiry. It is ridiculous. If police causes delay in patient’s treatment, you cause more callous crime by not helping injured people to reach to the hospital. Don’t count yourself beyond them. You are equally responsible for it.

I don’t know what is the procedure of police while handling the accident cases. One thing that should be prioritized in any case that there should be no delay in patient’s treatment.

It is always difficult to accept the ugly face of life but yes i have to. I am the part of this selfish society but it does have some helping people like my brother and me :)

Ahhhh it is so good to feel great hehehe :D

I am just tired of being a venting source of others’ feelings

All find me a vent of their feelings. I am just sick of it now. But what can I do? I can do nothing. How can I stop any of my love ones from sharing their feelings with me? I know I can’t and I should not. It would prove me a bad person naa. But this social service is costing me a lot. It is not possible to listen some one and then forget what problem he/she is facing. Everyone thinks that I am the person who does not have any tension and problem in her life as I am leading an ideal life (God save me from evil eye) and that I am unfortunately trust worthy also (thanks to my lousy memory).

When you enter the practical life, your contact with your friends automatically becomes lesser. Even you cannot find quality time to spend with your family. But your friends and family do not forget you if they have any problem. Don’t argue that I also go to them if I have any problem. I do not share each bit of my life. Even in few years, I have become more confined to myself. So friends and family can forget you for many days but when they are trapped in any problem or have some depression, they call you up saying ‘Hey what’s up? Do you know what happened?’ without listening what you are actually upto.

And most of them just vent of their feelings and say goodbye making my tien tien fish. At first, I feel honour that they have contact me in this problem. In their whole speech (I call it so) I focus on solutions, which I should suggest them. And they just bang me by saying goodbye in then end. Means I am a mere hole listening Midas’ stories. I am telling you I may overflow someday.

I try to be a good listener, not because I am very good person. It is because I also need one. But I am unfortunate in these terms too. There are very few people who listen me, in fact two or hardly three. I have stopped sharing myself with them too, thinking that everyone has some problems and tensions in their lives, why should I increase them by sharing mine too. I should try to bear my own burden. See how much considerate I am, but no one cares of me. Yes I am a boxing cushion, come and hit me. Damn!

The hitch in listening others’ problems and strains is that it affects my personality badly. I don’t know why but I presume that if some thing bad happens to some one, it may also happen to me. I know it’s stupid of me, I am grown up girl but it sticks to my mind unintentionally. Harder I try, lesser I get rid of my baseless notions and fears. And what’s the result of all this? I lose my courage in taking risks. Success depends on taking risks. More you take risks, more you get close to your destination. I know it’s good to learn from others’ experiences, but I rather prefer to experience it. What is happening in the reality, I am going far away from where I should go.

I don’t know how I should deal with it. But I need to find some way out. Others’ tensions make me more tensed than my own.

Stand Up for the Champions

And we won. They have actually proved that they are the Champions. MashaAllah nazar na lagay. The victory is unbelievable. Thank God, You are so sweet. Always helps us. Thank you very much. And thank you very much Team Sri Lankan for losing this match to us. You are a sincere friend.

When match was at its hype, I received the following sms:

>>God forbids, if Pakistan could not win this match, who will be cursed most?

Socho!!

Socho!

The driver who saved the Team Sri Lankan in Lahore :D

The man himself :P

Thumbs up Team Pakistan and plz plz keep it up :)

Here we go it's getting close
Now it's just who wants it most
It's just life that's how it is
Cause we have our strength and weaknesses

Oh I have vision' oh can't you see
I'm on the move make way for me

And when I fall down
I have to pick myself back up


Stand up stand up
For the champions for the champions

Stand up!

I dont know why it always happens to me :(

Always, always, why God? Why? Why have I chosen for it? Everyone gets the chance inspite of all their mistakes and blunders. What wrong I have done? It always happens to me. Always.....Losing a chance hurts me more than my bro's calling me 'manhoos' (unlucky) :( But sometimes he also wonders on my luck.

Well it happened to me again. yes again. I should have used to it but I couldn't. I am really sick of it. This time, AZ tried his best to wake my luck up, but all in vain. :( (I was in sweet dreams that time)

I lost another chance of watching Pakistan's splendid vitory. I dont know whether I am fotunate or unfortunate. It's my long time wish to watch any sensational victory (Not it's victories against thakkar teams) of Pakistan's Cricket Team. But honestly speaking, I never got this chance.

I watched the whole Pakistan vs Sri Lanka match and Pakistan lost this match. Due to their miserable performance, I decided not to watch the next match and Pakistan won that match. What's wrong with me? It's not the first time, it always happens to me.

Before any important match of Pakistan, AZ starts requesting me not to watch the match :( If i watch the match for keeping my self respect and ego up, most of the times, Paksitan loses the match and AZ ends up calling me manhoos. And matches that Pakistan wins under my viewership ( :D ), are not that important. Sometimes AZ tries to kick me out of the TV room, saying 'I will call you when Pakistan gets stable' :(

Well I am very much excited about Pakistan's final match tomorrow. But I am not sure whether I should watch it or not :/ But I pray for Pakistan's victory in any case.

The Motherhood

Well this post was lying in my drafts for a long long time. After reading Postman’s comment on this post, I thought it’s the time to post it throwing away all my hesitation and shyness.

How do you feel when you become a mother? I don’t know because I am not a mother even of a rat. But one thing I feel immense in myself that is ‘Motherhood’. How did it come? I don’t know. From where has it come? I don’t now. When did I start feeling so? I don’t know. But one thing I know definitely that I am feeling motherhood since I got consciousness. I thought a lot about it, a lot. At first, I thought that I am suffering from some kind of psychic disorder. During discussions, I smelt motherhood in all of my friends, cousins and other girls around. But the question persisted why we girls do feel so motherly without becoming mothers. Isn’t it strange? Do these feelings have some link to marriages and so? I attributed it for a long time to delay of marriages.

Then my niece came into the picture. She is the first child of our extended family. My sister was only 19 and I was 17 years old at that time. My sister’s motherhood was understandable but why I was feeling it. I still remember that my hands were shivering and eyes were filled with tears when I first time held her in my arms. I kissed her forehead and she gave me a priceless smile. I was on summer vocations that time. I used to do all her work. She was a very restless soul, kept crying all the night with full volume. My sister was very weak so I had to wake up all the night with the little fairy. You would be amazed to know that she wanted some one to talk with her at mid night. I called her bat that remained alert all night. Hahaha I used to make her lay on myself, telling her little stories, singing lories and poems for her. Everyone used to laugh at me when I stared her for hours while she was sleeping. She and I enjoyed a lot. At that time, I felt that I was the special khala (aunt) who was feeling extraordinary emotional for a little niece. But it was not true. I observed that many of my friends and cousins were doing same for their nieces and nephews. Why? I thought that it might be because they were also feeling motherhood, which was a actually a disorder if they didn’t have their own kids (my stupid thoughts).

Time went on. My motherhood feelings remained alive. I used to hide them, as people might draw some other meanings from it. I might not be able to find all my answers if my niece was not there. She is the only person told me why I feel motherhood.

My niece was getting a big girl day by day. I used to observe each bit of her. What did she like? What not? With whom she wanted to play? What were her favorite toys? I bought her a little doll. She was used to chew her head all the time, which made doll’s face terrible. I remember one very interesting incident. Once my cousin visited us. Her baby boy was two months old and my niece was nine months old at that time. My niece got so much excited to see the little baby. Two three times, she tried to jump on him. When we kept her away, she started crying. Then my cousin put the little boy into my niece’s lap. She stopped crying at once. She held the baby into her arms and kissed his forehead gently. She was smiling like she got a most precious gift. Tears were sparkling in her eyes. She started patting him like a mother pats her kid to sleep. At that time I felt that it was not my niece but I, standing in the hospital’s room, trying to control my tears and kissing the little Cinderella hesitantly. What was the difference between my niece and I? An obvious difference, she was nine month old and I was 17 years. But why she was feeling motherhood at that age? I was shocked to see at that time. She was merely less than one year, a baby herself. My question was half answered.

On her first birthday, she got a blue-eyed doll as present. She named her ‘Noni’ I never understood why she named her Noni (a non Islamic name, of course) and from where she heard it. The doll had a feeder stuck permanently in her hand which my niece used to put into her ever-opened mouth time by time. She had curly hairs, which were combed in each hour. Her mouth was washed on regular basis. Many times, my niece filled doll’s ever-opened mouth with water and doll had to lie under the sun for the whole day. Noni was fully bathroom trained and was used to sleep in the dark room (and we had to switch off the TV). We caught her many times hiding her doll under her shirt posing that she was feeding her doll. It was amazing to observe how much my niece took care of the little doll. She acted like a real mama of the doll. Whenever we visited anyone’s home, Noni accompanied us, as she might get scared of being along at home (according to her mama).

As my niece got older, her motherhood got matured along. The way of taking care of her doll and loving other babies younger than her has changed but it still persisted and would continue.

I am completely answered, completely. No doubt is left. It is only Allah (SWT) who instills motherhood in girls whether they are nine month old or 17 years. Motherhood cannot be created or generated by time. It is inculcated in us by default. We have no control over it. These feelings are uncontrollable whether you are a mother or not. The motherhood comes out properly when a girl becomes a mother. But the feelings of motherhood remain inside whether you become a mother or not. Yes these feelings become intense after becoming a mother (I suppose). So it is not that we girls feel motherhood when we ourselves become mothers. We do feel it since our births. Before kids, motherhood is expressed through different channels. After kids, it gets a proper channel.

Well most of you would suggest that I should have kids now. But frankly speaking my nine years old niece needs babies more than I do.

The second child

Few days back, one of my friends called me up and informed me that her baby was due in just two days (a surprise). She requested me, in fact begged me to suggest her any good name for a baby girl. She needed the name before baby’s birth, as CMH requires names for making babies’ files for its record at the time of birth. It is very difficult to change the name after words once it is filed. Well I don’t know what are the rules and regulations of Army in this respect. But my question was why the parents had got no time to find out any name for their baby. She responded that they did not know the gender of the baby at first place, secondly it was their second child and thirdly she did not want her in-laws to name her second baby too. I could not argue much with her as she was getting so much irritated. So her bezti is still due.

I started preparing a list of names. I loved most of them. She called me again that name should be with ‘D’ or ‘da’. On my objection, she replied that some one (siyana) suggested the letter ‘d’ according to baby’s horoscope. What the hell it is? I have never come across with such superstitious people. It is said that we should call our kids with good names not with horoscope related names. I declined to find out name, but her minnatein smajtein etc etc and that her husband was waiting for My suggested name. I excused by saying that there is no good name with ‘D’. But she remained determined that I would have to do this at any cost. No one in her family had time because of her little sister’s wedding preparation.

I kept on thinking the whole next day about the horoscope thing. It is not digestible for me. I don’t know why people have such baseless notions. I rechecked my list of names. All names were Islamic and very meaningful. Khair she called me again late night and asked about the name. She was going to the hospital at that time. I felt her critical condition. I couldn’t say anything. There was no name in my mind. And I said spontaneously ‘Name her Dua’. She disconnected thankfully. She remained in ICU for two days. I could not go to see her as she was in Pindi. Thank God she got stabled the next day. Both are out of danger now.

She contacted me yesterday. She seemed quite fresh and happy. She conveyed her husband’s thanks to me. He and his parents are quite happy with the name ‘Dua’ and that he was somewhere thinking about this name but could not tell his wife, as he wanted her and her family to name their second child. He was extremely grateful. I myself felt happy and somehow proud that I named a baby. A strange feelings ….of having some credit. hahahaha

But the incident left me with many questions. Why do some people depend on horoscope while selecting babies’ names? Is there any Islamic verdict about it? (I found nothing). Is there any rational logic behind it? Why don’t parents choose their kid’ s name before his/her birth? They can choose both boys’ and girls’ names for safe hand. (My sis and bro-in-law chose my niece name after one month of her birth and they changed it after a year. crazy parents. People were used to ask 'kiya naam hai aaj kal bachi ka'). Is it such a big issue that who should pick a name for the baby? Dad’s family or mom’s family? Is it not their first right and responsibility to choose the names of their kids? And if grandparents choose the name, what’s harm in it? Today’s grandparents are more updated about names.I know some who themselves searched on net for their grand children’s name.

Why parents are not so enthusiastic for the second child? (I am the second child too and I am not sure what my parents actually felt at my birth and whether they had chosen my name before my birth or not. I never bothered about it). I came across to many parents who were not at all curious for their second child and they did have the third child like they finished with a responsilibty. lol :)

The most important question, why don’t Fedex and TCS provide courier facility for methai (sweets)? Damn!

I love this pic :)

Well those who are going to have their second child, do contact me for nice names. My list is still lying idle. And this service would be free of cost.

*Note: Methai excluded.

A quick post

I needed a certificate of Medium of Instruction from my last institute. So I went to my College during lunch break today. Guards on main gate told me that I would have to take the visitor pass first from the other gate, which is at the 15-minute walk. So I had to go there after requesting them to let me in. Guards on the other gate issued me a visitor pass after checking my ID card and let me in. They told me that the college is at higher security alert and I would have to show my visitor pass even to enter a department. I entered the college remembering the old days when we needed not to ask any permission. Khair when I entered the premises, I was like ‘Am I at the right place?’

My session was 2002-04. It was a public institute then. In 2003, it became privatized. I still remember how much disturbed that year were. We spent one year as student of a public institute and one year as private. Just in one year, the difference was more than visible. The new administration changed the whole faculty and we got the chance to study under the supervision of foreign qualified teachers. They did not increase our fees because we were the last batch and they would had to face severe protest from the students. But they never happened to own us completely as they had to accept us unwantedly. Khair we gave damn to these looters who increased the fees four times more to ours. I heard that the standard of education do rise but how much I don’t know exactly. But I remain grateful to them for letting us learn from such faculty who has left an irreversible influence on us. What I am today or what I want to become tomorrow is just because those remarkable teachers which a public institute was unable to provide us.

In that one year of being autonomous, they had started restructuring the college which has now earned a status of University. I never understood what the hell it is ‘Government College University’, ‘Lahore College for Women University’, Forman College University, etc why don’t they keep only university?

Forgot again what I was going to share. The College or uni whatever it is now has been completely changed. I went there after almost 4 years. There was approximately three to four newly built buildings, all renovated buildings, nicely trimmed gardens, new marble floors, new parking areas, new paints, new faces, ever thing is new there. Students were busy in basketball and swimming, yes the swimming pool which was dogs house in our time.

I was completely lost there. I had to ask for the administration office. The staff was quite efficient and they dealt me inspite of their lunch break. Thanks to them. I wanted to take some pictures but could not do so because of heavy security. I will take pics when I’ll go to collect the certificate. I loved to stay there just for few minutes. I loved the new change I longed for. I wish we were still there to study in such a luxurious college. I hope they will strive hard to improve the standard of the education also so that children would not find need to go abroad for study.

Decisions

Some decisions are difficult to make and it is more difficult to stick with them.

It seems difficult but not impossible. Impossible is nothing. While taking the decision, we do have the fear that we may not be upto it after some time or the decision may itself be wrong. But when you are sure that your decision is quite sound and rational, you make yourself half satisfied. Half satisfaction depends on your determination and consistency to your decision. Well it's the most difficult part, yes not impossible but difficult. You have to force yourself to be glued to your decision. Not because you are stubborn, it is because your decision would save many people from irreparable loss. It seems difficult at the beginning but then decisions make their own way. In all this struggle, you are the only one who gets emotionally bruised and remain unnoticed but satisfied.