Lost!!!

I have lost tons of my water in tears :(

Why? ehhh..........there are many reasons and i am going to share the most hurting.....

My two friends are leaving for Sweden in two months. They got admission there. yea it's a biggest news of our lives. I wish them best of luck.

Why didn't I apply? Because my father does not want me to go abroad. (would write on it later).

The saddening part is what i am gonna supposed to do withut them? Our families, friends and people around us know very well how much we are close to each other.

We became friends during masters. Since then, we never ever did any thing without anyone of us. Fortunately, all of us got job in the same Org i am currently working in. And the management hired three of us by saying that they did not want us to apart. I spent more of my time with them than my family. There exists a strange chemistry among us. We understand unsaid feelings of each others'. errrrr......i couldn't find words in which i can explain the relationship among us. Simple is that i have no close friend like them. My life is colorless without them, I have realized it now. It's been long that i have made any friend.

I have never ever felt like this before. I have never lost any love one before. I know i am not losing them but distance DOES matter for me. They would not be there to share my stupid feelings, to render me their shoulder and to accompany me in my crying. They would never be there to laugh with me on silly things.........

It is very difficult for me to control myself. I am an open book for them. They are also very upset. They do not want to go without me. We had decided that in first phase they would go abroad and then I will accompany them but it seems impossible now :( and it's hurting me as well as them.

I know i am acting like real crap. I am irrational and getting emotional but i cant help it. It's all happening to me without any intention and control. I know no one accompanies anyone forever, even blood relations leave you at a certain point but my tears do not listen anything. I dont know how much i have cried. But my tears didn't stop yet and i dont know when they will stop.

For the time being, i would have to show them that i will come over my feelings and that i am very happy they are leaving for a great reason. But the thought of lonliness is killing me inside. I am not sure whether i would come out of this or not but I know Allah does not give any pain beyond our patience. So em waiting the moments to be passed!!