In sympathy of those poor chaps whose lives have been ruined by my mom

10 yrs before....

Me: Mom! Is love marriage a bad thing?
Mom: Of course it is. Some times it becomes a stigma for a family.

The answer was not so clear. I thought mom might have taken it wrong, might be in eloping sense, so I asked it twistingly.

Me: For instance, sometime somewhere in my life, I ask for your permission to marry the XYZ guy, what would be your stance?
Mom: Shut up and never ever even think of it. We have given you liberty beyond our family traditions. Never do any thing that may damage your image and ours in the end. You will marry a guy which we will choose for you. Understand?
Me: yes (I murmured)

Mom’s commandment glued to me forever, whatever I did and wherever I went. It gives me immense satisfaction that my parents always feel proud of me and they would remain inshAllah.

10 yrs later....

We returned home after attending the reception of our family friend’s son. They were actually our neighbors but more than that. The reception was after a month of their wedding ceremony. The bride and groom met on internet, fell in love with each other and married. No zalim samaaj. We (he and his siblings, me and my siblings) spent our childhood together. He was two years younger than me. I remember him as a very shy boy who remained hesitant to talk to anyone. I was stunned on his love-marriage-endeavor.

Mom: They made a beautiful couple. She is such a cute girl of very nice nature. Her family was also very decent.
Me: yes she is. (I recalled how much she got excited to know that I was among his groom’s childhood friends. She asked so many questions about him, his nature, his mischieves etc but I couldn’t tell her much as there was nothing special to tell her about him).
Mom: M (groom’s mother) told me that both met on chatting. She told that girl lived in Karachi but distance didn’t matter. They went there for her. I think they are lucky to get such a nice and respecting daughterinlaw.
Me: yes they are lucky and she is also. (Mom seems over excited)
Mom: Your black dress was looking very nice today. Why didn’t you wear your new pendant?
Me: I wore it. (I showed it to her)
Mom: Oh yes. I didn’t see it there. BTW Why did you put dupata on your head all the time? There was no mix gathering.
Me: but waiters were males. Weren’t they?
Mom: hn

I grinned.

Mom: So you didn’t like anyone?
Me: Whom? Waiters?
Mom: shut up. I mean didn’t you meet anyone on net? Didn’t you like any of your internet friends?
Me: WHAT DO YOU MEAN MAMA?
Mom: I mean it’s not that bad. If you have understanding with any of your chat friends, you can tell us. We can meet his family. BTW I didn’t see you chatting? Do you do that?
Me: For heaven sake mom! stop this.
Mom: Don’t be so old-fashioned lady. It’s so common in these days.
Me: Mom! the net world is all façade.
Mom: but you have seen today that they are happily married and kind of made-for-each-other couple.
Me: It’s lucky of them that they have found the right ones but all are not that lucky. You don’t know how much people ditch each other on internet. And their case is rare.
Mom: but your father and me would see him through each aspect.
Me: My God! you are driving me to nuts. There is no one here in my life, no cyber friend at all. (I held my head in both hands)
Sis (elder sis): She is right mama. This chatting world is all bogus and façade. Leave it aside.

Sis: (to mom) Do you know my sister-in-law’s friend got married to her colleague. He is so nice and decent. She is very happy. I met him also. He belongs to a very nice family.
Mom: that’s good. (To me) see how people come across nice people. And you are one of your kind, allergic of meeting people. Stupid!!

Sis: Tell me! Is there anyone in your life?

With the fear of mosquitoes, I could not open my mouth for a longer time.

Me: Now you start on me. What have done to both of you today?
Sis: I mean you have studied in Co and now working in a male dominating office, there should be some one in your life.
Me: Is that a rule of thumb?
Sis: no but you would have met many people in your life. Is there some one special?
Me: Yes there should be some one in my life but it is painful to inform you that he is not there. I am feeling embarrassed for not having a boy friend. The situation is still vacant.
Sis: Listen! It’s not a sin to like someone or to love someone. There would not be any problem from us. We will be very happy to meet the person of your choice. Believe us!
Mom: She is right. Don’t hesitate to tell us beta

I preferred to keep quite.

Sis: So there is no one. (she gave me an x-ray look).
Me: YES THERE IS NO ONE. (I tried to look grieved. In fact I was grieved on all that).
Mom: that’s fine. Be easy.
Sis: Did anyone ever propose you?
Me: (I tried to remember some stupid folks) there were some.
Sis: then?
Me: what then? I refused.
Sis: why? You should have told us.
Me: Yes I am used to make blunders. (I got frustrated now).
Sis: No no I mean you should at least tell your sis. I am your friend naa. Now next time, if anyone proposes you, you would direct him to me. OK?
Me: But you are married? (I tried to ease myself)
Sis: shut up…..you understand?
Me: Yes

Now that is the whole story. Can you imagine what my state could be at that point?

It is same like you reach the finishing line in 400m relay race and forget the baton at starting point.

There are so many questions pinching me ‘Are we passing through a social change?’ ‘Have family traditions changed so quickly?’ ‘Have things changed what they were used to be in past ten years?’ ‘Why didn’t I feel this change before?’

I have spent my whole life very carefully. Never encouraged anyone. Thought many times before taking any minor step. Always glued to what my mother had advised me many years before. And now she is telling me the other story. What a life of Nun I have passed?

Mom might have advised, in fact frightened me to keep me on the right track. But now she is asking me about the thing I remained refrained from. She should have at least told me about this social change few years back. Damn it! some poor chaps have got the irreparable loss. I am sorry to all.

Jewellery Fever

I am not a jewellery-wearing-girl but I like to collect elegant stuff whether i put it on or not. I think jewellery should be simple, elegant and easy-to-carry, not that you give the impression of a showcase of jewellery shop after wearing it. While surfing something else, i came through some very simple and elegant stuff. Some of them are my fav. Let's see:

My all time fav
I do have this piece which i try to wear everywhere :)

Coral beads with silver chain

Simply elegant; mango shaped pearls with kunddan

Emerald carving Earring set with diamond with gold setting

Turquoise pan shape with diamond and Kundan work, Necklace gold ball and pearls beads

Diamond set. Blue topaz stone. with gold BT beads necklace
(Old fashioned but graceful)

Sapphire Badamcha Necklace with Diamond Polky and Gold Chain and pearls beads

Aqua beads, pearls beads with silver hook

Turquoise Necklace set with Diamond Polky and Pearl with Gold chain

Tourmaline Necklace set with Diamond Polky and Pearl with Gold Chain

Rubelite hearth shape, with kundan, emerald and diamond polky with gold chain
and emerald long beads

I love this antique piece
(of course the necklace ;p )

Tell me which one you like most? and share your fav jewellery with me :)

(This post is specified for girls only).

Aid for Trade

It has become a common philosophy that if you want to destroy a nation, put them on aid. War cannot completely destroy a country, but Aid helps to evaporate a country from the world map.

Trade is the key to success of any country. We have the shining examples of East Asian countries, especially China, where trade has helped to bring the Chinese industry at top and hence helped 400 million people escape poverty in the past 20 years.

Trade is the engine of growth. It is more than true as whole economic system of a country and of the world stand by trade. It is the international competitiveness that compels the microeconomic and macroeconomic stabilization. Only trade is the answer of global poverty.

But the philosophy proves fatal when it comes to Pakistan. The Pak government is pressing hard for acquiring aid in the name of war against terrorism. This is the only thing which they demand with passion rather condemning drones attacks. The external debt has reached almost US$ 43.23 billion this year. Instead of asking aid in monetary terms, Pakistani government should demand:

• access to all international markets especially markets of the Allies.
• special access to American markets
• withdraw of anti-dumping duty imposed by US government and Allies
• special incentives to Pakistan traders hitting US markets
• training and technical assistance for Pakistani export oriented industries
• etc.

I wonder why the educated officials of our government are sitting idle waiting for money to come rather than suggesting government what type aid we should demand for. The war against terrorism has been imposed on us. It has become our war now, then why shouldn’t we get some benefits out of it if they are available?

Hehehe

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

Chill Program

Today we went for a stroll in a nearby park. Although it was a bit hot outside but it is impossible for us to stay in office during lunch break. It is a lush green park with beautiful beds of flowers and sky high trees. A gardener was watering the fields. He was routing the water to some of the pathes. Water was flowing swiftly like a little canal. We waited for the gardener to leave and then put our feet in our so-called canal/stream. I tell you it was a real fun.

Ta. munni and Me :)

People were watching us. I am sure they took us as mentally retarded. But who cares what others do think. We stayed there for good 30 minutes. We gossiped alot, laughed alot at foolish and bogus jokes. I tell you happiness is around us. We would just have to find it out. It's not in big bang things, sometimes tiny things make you more relaxed and joyous. Try it!!

Believe me, it was a real tingling experience :)

Papa Weds Mama

Today is my parents’ 30^th wedding anniversary mashAllah. Mama told me shyly that they (mama and papa of course) had calculated the years and were amazed to know that it’s been 30 years now. It’s wonderful. It is more amazing to see that both of them are quite young as compare to these three decades mashAllah.

I wish them numerous such decades of love and happiness.

They were very happy to have gifts early morning. As usual mama didn’t like the gold chain I gave her (she’s too picky) but papa loved the body spray (fathers are made for daughters actually). The fragrance was refreshing (I forgot the name) and I am thinking of trying it sometime hehehehe. I remained asking mama about what she was doing 30 years back at the same moment. Came to know that their Barat ceremony was held in noon. I don’t like daytime functions. Thank God I was not there at that moment. I kept teasing papa and mama by calling them dulha dulhan. They enjoyed it a lot like a newly wed couple.

As far as relationship between mama and papa is concerned, it is same kabhi khushi kabhi gum. They love each other as severe as they fight with each other. I won’t lie you know I am truthful person. They are not tota mena kinda couple. Sometimes they fight like I fight with my brother ahahaha. I remember in my childhood, I was used to ask mother after each choti moti fight whether they were going to divorce each other. Then I used to think whether I should choose papa or mama (I was so stupid and still am). Thank God they did not and I know they cannot leave each other. The most inspiring thing in their relationship is the Respect. They respect each other a lot; especially papa is so kind towards mom (spoke like a true daughter hehehe yes we are used to biased).

Well I love my parents a lot. I am incomplete without them. May the umbrella of their love and blessings be on us forever and may we prove to be the noor of their eyes. Ameen.

For how many times I would have to tell you that it is only a business contact?

In Pakistan, the thinking of most of the educated and extremely professional people is that if a female gives her number or asks for their number, there might have a chance of friendship beyond professional relationship. I am not saying that all men think same but most of them do.

For example, you meet a resourceful person and ask his contact information thinking that he may help you someday. He would also be delighted to exchange contact numbers thinking in a same way. Both of you keep in contact and help each other when it is needed. Occasionally, you invite each other for lunch or dinner. How much it seems easy naa when both of you have same gender. But when there is a gender difference, the whole situation turns to be ‘some thing’ else. I am not saying that the situation is same in all gender-difference-professional-relationship.

Here, I am asking why men think that the women asking for their numbers or contacting them later for some help are interested in them ACTUALLY? WHY? Why dont people change their thinking? Why men are so much obsessed in building CLOSEST and PERSONAL relationship? Why it can’t be limited to their work only? Why do they want to extend it to their personal lives also? A Big WHY!

There is a malign margin between a personal contact and a business contact. And I can’t tell you how much it is difficult to keep this difference. The exchange of contact numbers is a very common thing. Not at all a problem if both of you belong to a same gender. But we working ladies have to remain very cautious in this exchange. You of course cannot judge anyone’s nature in first or second meeting. Hence it is your contact number in their cells that determine how long your professional cooperation would last.

Some people seem very decent while asking contact numbers but their decency goes off when your email address or number come into their cells. Some people prove to be so much chipko that they cling like lizard to wall.

Thanks to Call Barring Service. Life is nothing beyond its activation.

The Safguard Commando Action

My cousins and friends living abroad are available for chatting in the morning here in Pakistan. We arrange internet-get-together once or twice in a month. In one of such getherings, I was extremely busy on facebook and working on a presentaion side by side. My boss, then, was used to glue to his chair once sat and called us time by time. For two three times he called me for making some amendments in the presentation. As I was busy in socializing :D I threw some harsh looks at him which he took as I did not like to be called so frequently in his office. I returned to my seat and continued my 'urgent work' hehehe ;p . No fear of my boss as he never came to anyone's desk. So I was reading, chatting and smiling. Suddenly I heard at my back 'Have you gone through this pie chart?' And I was like........ehm....me......sir errr........' I forgot how to minimize the window and how to bring back the minimized presentation. Seeing me nervous, he turned to my monitor. And I immediately pushed the button of my CPU with the tip of my coatshoes. System went off. hahaha the kick was so powerful that my CPU fell in my boss' feet. And he was like; 'oh I am sorry. What happened? I am really very sorry. Are you alright.' I never understood why he got so embarrassed :D .

But do remember this safguard commando action :)

I loved reading Mohsin Hamid

Well well well The Kite Runner had tried a lot to impede me reading further. But thanks to Mohsin Hamid I am back in books. I have gotten two very nice books of him and I repented why didn’t I read them earlier.

THE RELUCTANT FUNDAMENTALIST

A bearded Pakistani man, Changez, converses with an uneasy American stranger at a café table in Lahore. Changez tells his life long story to the stranger. Changez was an immigrant of America. After passing out from Princeton, he is evaluated by an elite valuation firm Underwood Samson. He stars his career successfully and gains reputable position in the firm. His infatuated with the elegant Eric proves an entry into Manhattan society at the same exalted level once occupied by his own family back in Lahore.

Then the 9/11 incident happen which brings a complete changes in Changez’s thinking. He feels himself misfit in the American society. He feels terrible at a little anxiety of his family back in Pakistan. He feels like he is disloyal to his country and to his family for not being returned. His anxiety eclipsed his budding relationship with Eric. ‘Changez's own identity is in seismic shift as well, unearthing allegiances more fundamental than money, power, and maybe even love’. In the wake of all this, he returns Pakistan but cannot get rid of his American immigrant dream.

MOTH SMOKE

Three words for this excellent novel; stunning, absorbing and trenchant.

It’s a story of Darashikoh Shezad who is banker. Dara loses his job and brings to starvation at one point. He beautifully depicts the divided life of poor and rich in Pakistani society. He falls in love with his childhood friend’s wife, Mumtaz. He becomes addicted of heroine and starts his career in crime. We are told in the beginning that he murders a little boy. But did he really kill the boy? It is the whole mystery till the end. As I am the curiosity spoiler, so I tell you that Mumtaz does not patch with his husband Ozi neither with Daru. She leaves every thing even her only child behind and moves to an unknown destiny.

I read it breathless. I have no word to describe the charisma it has created to the end. He is brilliant in creating suspense. He has related the novel to the real story of Mughal family where Dara Shikoh was hanged by his brother Aurangzeb in the wake of royal throne. I love the narrative style of Mohsin Hamid.

Honor!

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.

*~Mark Twain (1835-1910)~*

Self tagged: So You know you're Pakistani when ...

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Creative3Sixty! you should in fact Tag your post to others. Anyhow, I am doing it by myself now. My post is an addition to yours.

So I feel myself true Pakistani when ...

• Shopkeeper begs me to leave the shop for such heinous bargaining.
• I go to attend the wedding ceremonies just for eating numerous dishes specially sweet dishes.
• I must go to bazaar for changing the stuff which I buy a day before.
• My mom always disapproves my looks by saying: ‘Sar jhaar mun phaar’.
• I throw wrappers on roads.
• I crave to eat paratha in breakfast, in lunch and in dinner too. Hehehehe (secret of my health)
• In all family functions, I am pinched by my mom ‘See! how much your cousins look good’.
• I start my each day with ‘Yes I will finish it today’ and ends each day with 'It's not that important. Can be delayed for tomorrow'.
• I feel it difficult rather impossible to complement any girl.
• My mother says ‘your tongue runs like a seizers’. Means qenchi ki terhan zuban chalti hai. Additionally kiya banay ga tera aglay ghar jaa kar. (In fact kiya banay ga aglay ghar walun ka)
• My brother tries to beat each and every male who tries to scan me.
• I smell Aalo gobi, aalo matar, aalo ghoosht, aalo ki bhujia, aalo qeema, aalo gajar, etc.
• Shopkeepers calls me ‘guriya’, ‘baji’, ‘behna’ and I don’t enter the shop whose shopkeeper calls me auntie. (damn)
• ‘Your parents are panicking’ why your age-fellow cousin got married before you.
• All suspects me when I tell my age.
• All shopkeepers, vendors, milkmen, postman, sweeper, drivers, etc are uncles.
• All male class fellows and cousins are brothers until you get married to anyone of them.
• On addition of each kg in my weight, I say, “don’t know why I am gaining weight. It might be some disorder”.
• Leaders are always corrupt and disloyal.
• Each summer and winter are used to be more severe than previous.

I would love if anyone wants to tag it to himself as I did without Creative3Sixty's approval.

It's havoc to talk on telephone in office.

Some times, it really gets messy specially for person like me who by default speaks loudly. I like the workstation type office decor (which we are having) than the closed-cabin style. But it is its major drawback that your privacy becomes public. No one needs to ask you about your family, friends or about your own personality.

I generally speak loudly. Like others, I am not in habit of speaking in such a volume which is considered to be 'whispering'. Not only me, my whole family speaks and also hears loudly. You can better understand what my position could be when a call comes from my home. Everyone from my family, cousins and friends are strictly instructed to contact me during lunch break or after office hours. But no one usually follows it. There is no proper place to go to where one can talk on telephone easily. If you want to know who are in any type of relationship, you can go to the stairs and see them by yourself :D . So stairs are also not a good option.

I think everyone would have known that how many siblings or friends I do have, or to whom I am annoyed with, or which color, drama or movie I do like, or in which restaurant I like to dine, or how much pocket money my brother is demanding this month, or what gifts my niece and nephew are ordering now, or which function is coming in my family or friends or what I am going to wear on it?

Hence, I have become a public figure.

By nature I am a very different person. I remain confined to my own business. I do not like to pay attention on what my colleagues talk on telephones. That's a bad habit.

But what one can do when some one is pouring something into your ears. They force me to hear their telephonic conversations. I personally dont like it but I am helpless.

So I am forced to listen that the motoo is having some issues with his wife, although their are going to have a baby in few months. The paindo production bhai's wife does not ask him before ironing his clothes. The mochhi is going to take his sister for shopping for the last time as she is leaving for USA yesterday. The chotkaa bhai has changed the name of his daughter. Bemar uncle's wife has some issues in serving her mother-in-law. The ever smart man speaks rudely with his wife. The sleepy fellow's daughter calls him alot to remind him her demand list. The twin friends have lot of girlfriends though they are happily married. ETC ETC

See! how much I am compelled to listen about people. hehehehe :D

There is no need to stand still and strainght for a mere snap

Misunderstandings take you far away.

I am so much embarrassed, feeling really guilty. I am the person who does not deserve such love and affection. I dont know how to face my only childhood friend. I have embarrassed her too. She was the love of my life and I forgot every thing. I forgot our gossiping, our combined mischieves, watching late night movies, shoppings, laughings........ I forgot every thing.

One of our relatives created some misunderstandings between both of our families. No one tried to clear it. it was such a serious matter. In fact no one exactly knew what was the root of all the discord. Both families met formally and kept at a distance with each other. I was used to share every thing with my cousin but I did never discuss it with her too. My cold behaviour let her down but she is such a sweetheart, she kept loving and sharing herself with me. She got married meantime. I did attend her wedding like a far distant guest. How much we were used to plan about each others' wedding functions. I have lost every thing.

Last week, before her parents leaving for Umarah, all elders sat together and sorted out what had actually happened. I came to know last night that I was told many baseless lies about her and I did not try to confirm them. Many times she asked me but I kept them in my heart. Anyhow all misunderstandings have wiped out now. Everyone is happy.

I called her in the afternoon. I dont exactly know for how much time we wept silently. She was asking me why did I do this to her and I have nothing to answer her except sorry. Nothing can compensate the time which we have passed without each other. She had many things to say to me. We talked after a long time like old friends met somewhere surprisingly.

Hey Oolala! (I called her with this name), there was a little pause in our lives, but from now, I am your same old fatty fellow who used to pat you alot while talking to you. Com'on its' only patting not beating......hehehehe. She used to say; 'your hands work as fast your tongue does' :D

I love you so much :)