In sympathy of those poor chaps whose lives have been ruined by my mom

10 yrs before....

Me: Mom! Is love marriage a bad thing?
Mom: Of course it is. Some times it becomes a stigma for a family.

The answer was not so clear. I thought mom might have taken it wrong, might be in eloping sense, so I asked it twistingly.

Me: For instance, sometime somewhere in my life, I ask for your permission to marry the XYZ guy, what would be your stance?
Mom: Shut up and never ever even think of it. We have given you liberty beyond our family traditions. Never do any thing that may damage your image and ours in the end. You will marry a guy which we will choose for you. Understand?
Me: yes (I murmured)

Mom’s commandment glued to me forever, whatever I did and wherever I went. It gives me immense satisfaction that my parents always feel proud of me and they would remain inshAllah.

10 yrs later....

We returned home after attending the reception of our family friend’s son. They were actually our neighbors but more than that. The reception was after a month of their wedding ceremony. The bride and groom met on internet, fell in love with each other and married. No zalim samaaj. We (he and his siblings, me and my siblings) spent our childhood together. He was two years younger than me. I remember him as a very shy boy who remained hesitant to talk to anyone. I was stunned on his love-marriage-endeavor.

Mom: They made a beautiful couple. She is such a cute girl of very nice nature. Her family was also very decent.
Me: yes she is. (I recalled how much she got excited to know that I was among his groom’s childhood friends. She asked so many questions about him, his nature, his mischieves etc but I couldn’t tell her much as there was nothing special to tell her about him).
Mom: M (groom’s mother) told me that both met on chatting. She told that girl lived in Karachi but distance didn’t matter. They went there for her. I think they are lucky to get such a nice and respecting daughterinlaw.
Me: yes they are lucky and she is also. (Mom seems over excited)
Mom: Your black dress was looking very nice today. Why didn’t you wear your new pendant?
Me: I wore it. (I showed it to her)
Mom: Oh yes. I didn’t see it there. BTW Why did you put dupata on your head all the time? There was no mix gathering.
Me: but waiters were males. Weren’t they?
Mom: hn

I grinned.

Mom: So you didn’t like anyone?
Me: Whom? Waiters?
Mom: shut up. I mean didn’t you meet anyone on net? Didn’t you like any of your internet friends?
Me: WHAT DO YOU MEAN MAMA?
Mom: I mean it’s not that bad. If you have understanding with any of your chat friends, you can tell us. We can meet his family. BTW I didn’t see you chatting? Do you do that?
Me: For heaven sake mom! stop this.
Mom: Don’t be so old-fashioned lady. It’s so common in these days.
Me: Mom! the net world is all façade.
Mom: but you have seen today that they are happily married and kind of made-for-each-other couple.
Me: It’s lucky of them that they have found the right ones but all are not that lucky. You don’t know how much people ditch each other on internet. And their case is rare.
Mom: but your father and me would see him through each aspect.
Me: My God! you are driving me to nuts. There is no one here in my life, no cyber friend at all. (I held my head in both hands)
Sis (elder sis): She is right mama. This chatting world is all bogus and façade. Leave it aside.

Sis: (to mom) Do you know my sister-in-law’s friend got married to her colleague. He is so nice and decent. She is very happy. I met him also. He belongs to a very nice family.
Mom: that’s good. (To me) see how people come across nice people. And you are one of your kind, allergic of meeting people. Stupid!!

Sis: Tell me! Is there anyone in your life?

With the fear of mosquitoes, I could not open my mouth for a longer time.

Me: Now you start on me. What have done to both of you today?
Sis: I mean you have studied in Co and now working in a male dominating office, there should be some one in your life.
Me: Is that a rule of thumb?
Sis: no but you would have met many people in your life. Is there some one special?
Me: Yes there should be some one in my life but it is painful to inform you that he is not there. I am feeling embarrassed for not having a boy friend. The situation is still vacant.
Sis: Listen! It’s not a sin to like someone or to love someone. There would not be any problem from us. We will be very happy to meet the person of your choice. Believe us!
Mom: She is right. Don’t hesitate to tell us beta

I preferred to keep quite.

Sis: So there is no one. (she gave me an x-ray look).
Me: YES THERE IS NO ONE. (I tried to look grieved. In fact I was grieved on all that).
Mom: that’s fine. Be easy.
Sis: Did anyone ever propose you?
Me: (I tried to remember some stupid folks) there were some.
Sis: then?
Me: what then? I refused.
Sis: why? You should have told us.
Me: Yes I am used to make blunders. (I got frustrated now).
Sis: No no I mean you should at least tell your sis. I am your friend naa. Now next time, if anyone proposes you, you would direct him to me. OK?
Me: But you are married? (I tried to ease myself)
Sis: shut up…..you understand?
Me: Yes

Now that is the whole story. Can you imagine what my state could be at that point?

It is same like you reach the finishing line in 400m relay race and forget the baton at starting point.

There are so many questions pinching me ‘Are we passing through a social change?’ ‘Have family traditions changed so quickly?’ ‘Have things changed what they were used to be in past ten years?’ ‘Why didn’t I feel this change before?’

I have spent my whole life very carefully. Never encouraged anyone. Thought many times before taking any minor step. Always glued to what my mother had advised me many years before. And now she is telling me the other story. What a life of Nun I have passed?

Mom might have advised, in fact frightened me to keep me on the right track. But now she is asking me about the thing I remained refrained from. She should have at least told me about this social change few years back. Damn it! some poor chaps have got the irreparable loss. I am sorry to all.