Few days back, I was thinking that I would never be able to write again. But I am a proven stubborn. lol.... The word 'stubborn' reminds me many things. When I was first called a stubborn on my face by another stubborn person man (hehehe he will surely kill me if he ever reads it), I flew in anger. I still hate whenever he calls me S.T.U.B.B.O.R.N. But I realized by the time that he is right :) . I am a real stubborn in many ways. Khair the post is not about my stubborn nature. It's about another stab which I have delightfully received in my back.
Sometimes I love of being an unpopolar blogger. It's a blessing in disguise really. I write whatever I want knowing that there would not be much people reading me. It’s a place where I wrote whenever I have come in. But now I don’t have any thing in my mind to write upon. Or it may be because I didn’t want to share any thing with anyone, not even with my closet friends. But if i dont want to share any thing with anyone, then why did i come here at the first place. Well it's a good unanswerable question. I simply do not want any sympathy or consolation. I am full of it at the moment.
But yes I have come here to console myself. I need myself at this time.
I am just tired of being indifferent. I am human like everyone with intense emotions and feelings. It did hurt me as it might be to anyone. It did affect me. In fact it jolted my whole life. Why everyone is expecting me to forget it at once and go a head? I can’t, even if I try.
I wept for days, not that she deceived me. It was because she happened to shatter my trust in people completely which was already shaking. I could not sleep for some days. I still sleep with an awakening mind. I know my whole family is suffering through it. Everyone keeps on consoling me by saying ‘just lay off’. But it is really difficult rather impossible for me to lay it off. Whenever I think how I trusted her blindly, I cry helplessly. She is my chilhood friend, my close relative.I wasn't expecting that in my wildest dream.
My sister wanted me to call her and say every thing whatever was there in my heart. But I did not want to even listen her making lame excuses. I have left every thing to Allah. He is the greatest Healer. Although it is quite difficult but I will try to forgive her and her family as well. But I dont know when.
It pinches me alot how could people live a dual life? How could people be at ease even breaking some one's trust (forget the heart)? How do they face themselves? It is the only me who is left with such questions. Damn!
Everyone suggested me to take a leave and visit somewhere for the sake of change. I was not ready at that time. But I think it did help me to overcome my condition. I spent almost a week in Islamabad. Visited many places. We stayed at my cousin’s home. My sister and her kids accompanied me. I enjoyed a lot. It was a real fun. I will definitely post some thing with pics about the places we have visited.
I went through some of my previous posts. How much excited I was about my selection in WLTIE. Some one once said to me (yes the uncle who is used to call me 'stubborn'): “You lose the focus and sight of your goal whenever you are angry or depressed”. It did happen. I have almost lost what I had dreamed and targetted. I would have to collect myself once again for my lifetime goal.
My sis' favourite quotes which she keeps on repeating to me:
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